"Energy Suckers: Who in Your Environment is Sapping Your Energy": an excerpt from Tatyana Poritskaya's book

Contents:

• Introduction to the concept of "Energy Taker"
• What else you need to know before you start getting acquainted with the classification of Takers

In 2023, Ves Publishing House released a book by psychologist Tatyana Poritskaya dedicated to people who evoke negative emotions and unpleasant feelings in us, thereby draining our energy. These interactions can lead to self-doubt and a constant decline in mood. The author explores the manipulation mechanisms used by such people and offers ways to protect against their influence. The book will be a useful guide for anyone who wants to learn to recognize toxic behavior and maintain inner harmony.

With the consent of the author and the publisher, we present to your attention an excerpt from the book.

A practicing psychologist with Offering professional psychological assistance since 2010. Uses a variety of psychotherapeutic methods to achieve the best results. Author of the channel "Sustainable Self-Awareness," where she shares her knowledge and experience in psychology and self-knowledge.

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Introduction to the Concept of the "Energy Sipper"

"What can you do! You're in the wrong place!" - this is one of the common phrases of the aunt of a young man named Pyotr, who turned to me for help. He had to live with her in the first months after moving to St. Petersburg. This period became a real challenge for him, as his aunt's constant criticism and dissatisfaction negatively impacted his self-esteem and self-confidence. Peter sought support and understanding to overcome these difficulties and learn to believe in himself.

Every morning, she began by criticizing his shortcomings, listing everything she believed was wrong. This process took place in a depressing atmosphere, leaving a bad taste in his mouth for the entire day. Hearing about your shortcomings in the morning is not the best way to set the tone for the day. This approach negatively impacted their relationship and psychological state, creating tension and discontent.

With each passing day, Peter's self-confidence waned, and the joy of moving to a big city gradually faded. Nevertheless, it is worth noting that he continued to maintain optimism. This is partly explained by the fact that Peter began communicating with his aunt in adulthood, and also by the fact that he had received the foundation of self-confidence from his parents. However, despite these circumstances, he still found it difficult. Moving and adapting to a new city is a challenge that can be difficult for anyone.

Criticism from his aunt is usually not based on fact. This is obvious to many who have faced a similar situation.

Pyotr demonstrated outstanding abilities and quickly found a well-paying job in St. Petersburg within his first month in the city. When difficulties arose in his relationship with his aunt, he did not put up with the situation, but quickly turned to a psychologist to sort out his feelings and the situation.

He had many plans for his life, but his aunt's constant criticisms of his laziness and poor skills undermined his self-confidence. This caused his ambitious goals to crumble.

Gradually, Peter began to feel tired and apathetic. Fortunately, he decided to seek help. At first, he didn't realize that his aunt was the cause of his fatigue and loss of self-confidence. She embodied a typical Critical Taker, one of the Energy Takers I identified in my psychological practice with adults. Working with such characters is important for restoring inner energy and self-confidence. Understanding the influence of these Selectors on our lives can be the first step to change and a return to a fulfilling existence.

It took only three consultations to confirm that the problems were related to his aunt, and that Peter himself had significant potential in life.

After that, he found a more attractive job and moved into a rented apartment.

I often find that actions that seem rational at first glance can actually destroy a person. This doesn't happen always and not to everyone, but such situations are quite common. Understanding the true nature of your actions and their consequences is key to personal growth and well-being. It is important to analyze your decisions to avoid negative consequences and find more harmonious ways to achieve your goals.

Let's consider who the Energy Collector is. This is a character or concept associated with influencing energy flows and the state of the surrounding space. The Energy Collector can be either a physical being or a metaphorical concept symbolizing the forces that can take or transform vital energy. It is important to understand how it affects us and our environment, as well as how we can protect ourselves from negative influences. Effective energy work methods will help not only maintain internal balance but also improve overall well-being. Understanding the role of the Energy Taker in our lives allows us to more consciously interact with the world around us and manage our energy.

An Energy Taker is someone whose actions evoke negative emotions and feelings in you, forcing you to constantly experience them. This depletes your energy resources, as everyone knows that constantly being stressed and experiencing negative emotions drains energy. Observing your condition, such a person experiences a temporary surge of energy and satisfaction. This process repeats, creating a vicious cycle in which you lose your vital energy, and they gain satisfaction from your emotional exhaustion. Understanding this mechanism can help you protect yourself from negative influences and restore your energy reserves.

After interacting with representatives of Energy Takers, a person often experiences fatigue, irritation, and tension. These sensations serve as a sign that interactions with them drain a significant amount of vital energy.

Every person's energy is actually limited. We all have many daily activities and tasks that require attention and energy. Required responsibilities can be tiring and energy-consuming. While some of these activities may be enjoyable, most often feel like a chore. It's important to learn to manage your energy and find a balance between your obligations and the things you enjoy. This will help you maintain your energy and increase your overall productivity. A person should draw energy from activities that bring them pleasure and joy. These could be hobbies, sports, creativity, or spending time with loved ones. It's important to make time for those things that inspire and help you recharge. Energy from your favorite activities can improve your mood and increase your productivity in everyday life.

Daily responsibilities often prevent us from enjoying life. Constant tension and stress lead to us losing the ability to enjoy simple moments. As a result, many of us feel a lack of energy and vitality. To restore joy and increase energy levels, you need to find time for rest and relaxation, as well as a mindful approach to your tasks.

How to fill the lack of joy in life? It is important to learn to enjoy every moment and remove obstacles along the way. However, many people, despite their difficulties, have failed to master this skill and, unfortunately, become an obstacle for others who strive for self-improvement. Removing these barriers and developing a positive mindset will help not only improve the quality of life but also inspire change in those around you.

It is important to note that the same person can be a source of energy for one person and a victim for another. This results in a chain of destructive behavior, where the negative influence is felt reciprocally. This dynamic highlights how interactions between people can create toxic relationships, in which each participant contributes to the deterioration of the other. Understanding this interconnectedness is key to recognizing and ending such destructive cycles. In this book, the term "environment" is used in a general sense. Your environment includes those close to you: family, friends, colleagues, and those with whom you spend significant time. It also includes casual acquaintances and interlocutors who appear in your life. We must not forget the influence of online personalities—bloggers, content creators, whose opinions you value or regularly consume. All these people shape your environment and influence you. Just as it is important to avoid toxic behavior from loved ones, it is equally important to avoid the negative influence of casual acquaintances. Setting healthy boundaries in your environment promotes personal growth and emotional well-being.

Recently, while on the subway, I encountered a man making complaints and expressing dissatisfaction with my generation. I decided to move to another seat, as I did not want to be the target of other people's negativity. His dissatisfaction was likely related to personal issues, and I should not have tolerated them. If this man was seeking understanding, he should have shown respect for those around him, rather than projecting his inner experiences onto strangers. Everyone has the right to personal space and comfort in public places.

Many people, especially women, have difficulty leaving Unpleasant situations. They may feel awkward getting up and leaving, especially if they value their seat on the subway, preferring to endure psychological abuse. However, it's not worth it. I myself am an empath and understand how easy it is to take on blame and tolerate discomfort. However, such sacrifices benefit neither them nor those around them. The man who was aggressive was looking for a victim to vent his negative energy. He doesn't know me and has no right to voice his grievances. Why does he think it's acceptable to unload his complaints about my generation on me? This is a manifestation of displaced aggression and a tendency to constantly complain. People like the Complainer-Selectionist often become a source of negative energy. In this book, you can learn more about this topic and understand how to avoid similar situations.

Reading is an important part of our lives and contributes to the development of thinking, broadening our horizons and improving our skills. It helps not only to acquire new information but also to develop creative abilities. Books, articles, and other materials can be a valuable source of knowledge and inspiration. Regular reading improves concentration and memory and can also serve as a great way to relax and unwind. The variety of literary genres allows everyone to find something to suit their tastes, whether it's fiction, scientific research, or business literature. Invest time in reading, and you'll find yourself in a world of new ideas and possibilities. An empath is someone who has the ability to deeply feel and understand the emotions of others. Empaths easily perceive the moods of others and can intuitively grasp their experiences. This sensitivity allows empaths to form strong bonds with others, but it can also lead to emotional exhaustion, as they often take on the feelings of others. Empathy is essential for building harmonious relationships and providing support during difficult times. Understanding who empaths are and what their characteristics are can help develop emotional intelligence and improve communication with others.

What else you need to know before you start learning about the classification of Takers

Energy Taker behavior can manifest itself in anyone, and it is important to pay attention to its frequency. If such manifestations are observed more than once a month, this may be cause for reflection. It is recommended to closely monitor your behavior or the behavior of others to understand how it affects your emotional state and energy. Being aware of such moments will help you better manage your energy and improve your interactions with others.

An Energy Taker may exhibit all or most of the above characteristics, but the presence of each of them is not required.

If, after studying the chapter on the different types of Takers, you realize that you have become their victim, remember that it will take time to change your behavior. It's important to take your time and pay attention to each step on the path to recovery. Gradual changes will help you develop healthier habits and protect yourself from negative influences. Remember, this process may take time, but it is a necessary step toward improving the quality of your life.

You've become accustomed to following a set pattern, and this is reflected in how you feel about yourself. Your brain has developed neural connections responsible for your behavior. The more often you acted in a certain way, the stronger this connection became, increasing the likelihood that you will act in the same way in the future. Understanding this process can help you change negative patterns and begin moving toward healthier habits and relationships.

Successful restructuring requires time and consistent action aimed at freeing yourself from the negative influence of the Selector. This process requires patience and determination to achieve positive changes in your life. Freeing yourself from the harmful influence of the Selector promotes personal growth and an improved quality of life.

It's important to remember that even if the Selector claims to have changed in a short period of time, this is unlikely. The manipulations they've been engaging in for a long time won't disappear instantly. Changing behavior takes time and effort, and their psychology remains the same as everyone else's. For real change, they'll need time to rethink and adapt. Be careful and avoid manipulation that could again influence your perception of the situation.

If the Selector has truly realized something important, they begin to concretize their thoughts, listen carefully to others, admit mistakes, and make realistic promises, avoiding grandiose statements. They continue to move along the path of change. Although they may habitually attempt manipulation, they are now able to stop themselves and cease such actions. This indicates their growth and desire for genuine transformation.

Be patient with yourself, and if you're having trouble freeing yourself from a toxic person's influence, consider seeking individual help from a psychologist. Recognizing that behavior change takes time is crucial. This process won't be completed in minutes, and even a few months may not be enough to achieve significant results. You need to understand why you're drawn to toxic people and what destructive patterns are repeating themselves in your life. It's important to recognize how your behavior perpetuates these patterns, often unconsciously, simply out of habit. Understanding these aspects will help you on your path to healthy relationships and personal growth.

Achieving harmony and self-understanding takes time, sometimes quite a long time. On the path of self-discovery, you will begin to understand how to cope with various life challenges. Gradually, you will learn to better sense which situations you can handle and which people in your environment you feel most comfortable interacting with. This process will not only strengthen your inner resilience but also create more harmonious relationships with others.

If you notice signs of one of the Selector types in yourself, your brain will likely activate a psychological defense mechanism—denial. This state depends on the strength of the denial and your subsequent actions. It is important to understand how to respond to such discoveries and what steps to take to recognize and overcome these traits.

Under the influence of this psychological defense, you may deny the presence of signs of such behavior in yourself, while actively seeking them out in others. This may manifest itself in excessive activity that goes beyond the normal.

You may consider all psychologists and psychology an ineffective science, which may lead you to refuse to read the book. However, it is worth noting that psychology plays an important role in understanding human behavior and emotional states. Studying this discipline can help you better understand yourself and others, as well as find effective ways to solve various life problems. Therefore, instead of rejecting literature on psychology, it is worth considering it as a valuable source of knowledge that promotes personal growth and improves the quality of life.

Fear of vulnerability and exposure generates defense mechanisms that manifest as aggression. People experiencing such fear often respond to threats with attack to hide their weaknesses. This defense mechanism allows them to feel in control and safe, despite their internal experiences. Understanding this process can help in working through personal fears and improving understanding in relationships.

Honesty with yourself is a key aspect of self-awareness. You are reading this book alone, and if you notice signs of an Energy Sapper in yourself, you should not share this information with others. It is important to focus on your own experience and understanding to gain a deeper understanding of your feelings and reactions. This will help you better understand yourself and your interactions with the world around you.

Observing your own behavior from an external perspective is an important step toward self-awareness. You may have committed certain actions without realizing their negative impact on others. Now that you've read this book, you have new insights into how your actions can impact the lives of others. Understanding these interactions will help you improve your relationships and become more mindful of the emotions and experiences of others. Many of us don't seek to hurt others. If such a desire does arise, it's likely due to internal struggles and difficulties a person experiences in life. Such feelings can arise from personal suffering and unresolved issues, leading to the development of a destructive behavior pattern. This pattern becomes a defense against emotional pain, but ultimately harms both the person and their relationships. Understanding your internal state and working on yourself can help change this path and establish healthier interactions with others.