Friendship, Networking, and Manipulation: How We Benefit from Communication

Contents:

• Why people be friends
• The downside of friendship: misunderstanding, loneliness, and envy
• Manipulation, networking, and virtual teams

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Alexander Rikel is a PhD candidate in psychology and an associate professor in the Department of Social Psychology at Lomonosov Moscow State University. He is also an experienced business coach specializing in the application of psychological methods in business and management. His knowledge and experience allow him to effectively help organizations and individuals achieve success through an understanding of human psychology and interpersonal interactions.

In an interview, Alexander shared his thoughts and experiences. He discussed key moments in his career and spoke about significant events that influenced his professional path. In addition, Alexander emphasized the importance of continuous learning and adaptation in a rapidly changing world. His advice can be useful for those striving for success in their field. Discussing his achievements, he noted that persistence and perseverance are the main factors contributing to the achievement of goals. Alexander also touched on the topic of teamwork and the importance of communication in achieving common results.

• how primitive man imagined friendship;
• what principles friendship is built on;
• what is wrong with a person who has no friends;
• why it is normal not to understand a friend;
• why we compete with friends;
• why team building is called cynical manipulation.

Why people be friends

Friendship is a special social connection between people, based on mutual trust, support and understanding. The concept of friendship has deep roots in human history and has evolved over the centuries. Friendship arises from emotional interactions when people discover common interests and values. Throughout history, friendship has served as an important aspect of social structure, helping people unite to solve common problems and overcome difficulties. As society developed and cultural norms changed, the concept of friendship also evolved, adapting to new living conditions. Today, friendship plays a vital role in human life, promoting emotional well-being and social integration. Friendship has its roots in the earliest periods of human existence. This social connection serves a pragmatic function, and many of the qualities of friendship that we tend to romanticize and associate with emotions, such as "butterflies in the stomach," actually developed from utilitarian needs. Historically, friendships formed to ensure survival, support, and cooperation within society. If a mammoth attacks me, my fellow mammoths must have legitimate reasons for coming to my aid. For example, if I possess the skills of a good marksman, they will be motivated to act towards a clear goal. Initially, my help will be motivated by utilitarian considerations, but over time this will develop into trust, gratitude, and sympathy. The combination of such factors, stemming from a rational demand, forms the basis of friendship.

Historically, we choose friends based on the benefits they can provide us. This approach to choosing social connections is based on mutually beneficial relationships, where each participant receives certain advantages. It is important to understand that friendship can be built not only on material or practical aspects, but also on emotional support, mutual understanding, and trust. However, in modern society, there is often a tendency to choose friends based on their usefulness, which can affect the quality and depth of relationships.

Friendship has no biological function, and therefore, people initially perceived it as a consequence of a natural need. This social connection is formed on the basis of mutual understanding, trust, and support. Friendship plays an important role in a person's life, contributing to emotional well-being and social adaptation. It helps us cope with difficulties and share joys. In the modern world, friendships are especially significant, as they enrich our lives and contribute to personal growth.

Later, the understanding arose that friendship has value in its own right. It was precisely when communication became an important social need that the familiar emotional and romantic context began to develop around friendship. This process of transforming friendship into something more emphasizes its significance in a person's life, as an important aspect of social interaction and personal relationships.

I can't say that I will become friends with a classmate just because they help me in class or let me play on their phone. My likes and dislikes for people are formed much deeper. The most important factor for me is interesting communication. Although communication itself may seem meaningless, in the context of friendship it becomes a key element creating value in the relationship. Sharing opinions, sharing interests, and emotional support are what truly matter in friendship.

Modern people may certainly seek benefits in friendship, but this is not the only guideline. Trust, support, and understanding remain important aspects of friendship. People strive for emotional connection and shared interests, which strengthen their relationships. Friendship can also be based on mutual respect and a desire to help each other, which creates strong bonds. Ultimately, although benefits can play a role, true friendships are built on deep understanding and empathy.

Friendship is often perceived as a selfless relationship, but in practice, things are much more complex. In social psychology, there is social exchange theory, and in cognitive science, economics, and mathematics, there is game theory. These concepts emphasize that human interaction is often based on the principle of mutually beneficial exchange: you give to me, I give to you. Such exchanges are not always equal and constant. For example, I can give you the pleasure of interesting stories, and you, in turn, will help me carry my briefcase. These nuances emphasize that friendship includes both emotional and practical aspects of interaction.

I do not consider friendship to be an exclusively lofty feeling. On the contrary, it is often based on specific mutual benefits. However, sometimes friendship turns out to be more complex than a simple exchange interaction, reminiscent of "I give you five berries, and you give me five mushrooms." Friendship can include emotional support, shared interests, and understanding. These aspects make it multi-layered and deep, even if the relationship is initially based on benefits.

The Downside of Friendship: Misunderstanding, Loneliness, and Envy

Friendship is an important aspect of life, but not all people have friends. There are many reasons why some people may not have friends. First, this may be due to personal characteristics. Some people may be introverts, finding it difficult to connect and communicate with others. Second, life circumstances, such as frequent moves, job changes, or school changes, can hinder the formation of friendships. Social skills also play a significant role: a lack of self-confidence or difficulty communicating can become a barrier to friendship. Finally, life priorities can shift, and some people may focus on other aspects of life, such as career or family, which also impacts the number of friends they have.

The problem is that friendship is an abstract concept. Many conflicts between friends arise from differences in understanding of this important connection. Each person has their own ideas about friendship, which can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements. Recognizing these differences and openly communicating your expectations can help strengthen relationships and prevent conflicts.

Remember the famous phrase: "I thought you were my friend." You may have truly been a friend to the other person, but you may have had a different perception of friendship, as well as different feelings and actions associated with this concept. The understanding of friendship can vary from person to person, and this can lead to misunderstandings. It is important to realize that to build strong relationships, you need to openly discuss expectations and boundaries of friendship to avoid disappointment.

When you mention the phrases "few friends" or "no friends," it can indicate various reasons. Perhaps you are experiencing difficulties in communication or do not find common ground with those around you. This may also indicate that you have few opportunities to meet new people. It's important to understand that building friendships takes time and effort. Consider participating in social events or clubs that share your interests, which can help you expand your social circle. Remember that the quality of friendship is often more important than quantity, and it's worth focusing on building deep and meaningful connections.

• I think I have no friends, but people around me think: "He has a lot of contacts, friends on social media."
• I think I have no friends, and everyone around me agrees with me.
• I have strict criteria for a "friend," so I can't call anyone that yet.

Let's consider the second option: "I don't have friends - I understand this, and others agree with me." Why does society sometimes view such people with mistrust, wondering: "What's wrong with them?" The lack of friends can make others wary, since friendship is considered an important part of social life. People tend to believe that having friends is an indicator of social adaptation and emotional health. When someone reports a lack of friendships, this may be perceived as a signal of possible problems in their life, such as low self-esteem, communication difficulties, or other personal issues.

It is important to understand that each person is unique, and the reasons for the lack of friends can be varied. It can be the result of personal choice, individual circumstances, or even personality traits. Thus, societal mistrust of people without friends may be associated with generally accepted norms and stereotypes about social interactions. It's important to take a deeper look at these situations to avoid superficial judgments and better understand each person's individual circumstances.

The modern world is often viewed as an extrovert-centric space. As society became divided between extroverts and introverts, scientists began to explore why extroverts adapt more easily and succeed. The more extroverted a person's traits are, the easier it is for them to build a career, earn money, and start a family. This idea has become so popular that simply typing "how to become an extrovert" into a search engine brings up a multitude of books and trainings offering methods for changing personality traits.

Social attitudes shape public opinion, determining what is considered right and wrong. When a person deviates from the generally accepted ideology, the question arises: "What's wrong with them?" This phenomenon highlights the pressure that society places on individuals to conform to established norms and values. It's important to understand that individual beliefs and attitudes can differ significantly from collective ones, leading to a conflict between personal identity and the social environment.

This is reminiscent of another cognitive bias. For example, when a friend refuses alcohol at a restaurant dinner, you're likely to question their health. This happens because society considers alcohol consumption to be normal, and if someone refuses, it seems they must have a serious reason. We find it difficult to accept that someone might simply not drink. This phenomenon illustrates how social norms influence our perception of other people's choices and lead us to seek explanations instead of respecting their decisions.

Unlike alcohol, socializing is an important social need. Therefore, the question "what's wrong with someone who refuses socializing?" makes sense. Refusing socializing evokes negative emotions and confusion, similar to how refusing food seems strange. Such behavior is perceived as something unusual and difficult to explain. Communication plays a key role in human life, facilitating the formation of social connections and maintaining psycho-emotional health.

Not having friends is not always a conscious choice. Many people strive for communication and friendship, but face various obstacles that prevent them from making connections. Reasons can range from personal circumstances to social factors. For example, shyness, lack of time, or an unsuitable environment can negatively impact the ability to make friends. It is important to understand that developing social connections takes time and effort. Therefore, if a person wants to improve their social network, they should consider various ways to expand their social circle and find opportunities to interact with others.

Most likely, this is not an accident. However, not everyone is willing to admit it. There are many reasons why a person might claim to have no friends. For example, they may have the ability to make friends, but after a negative experience related to betrayal or rejection by a loved one, they have become withdrawn and are unable to trust new acquaintances. Such experiences can significantly impact the ability to establish social connections.

The second story concerns difficulties with self-esteem: "I think I'm unlovable. I have no qualities that can be valued and respected." As a result, the person, consciously or unconsciously, withdraws from communication and distances themselves to avoid stress and emotional discomfort. This leads to isolation and a deterioration in psychological well-being, since the lack of interaction with others only exacerbates internal experiences. It is important to realize that everyone is worthy of love and respect, and working on self-esteem can be the first step to improving relationships with yourself and others.

The third option: a person has one or two close friends with whom they do not spend much time, but this is quite enough for them. They feel comfortable in such communication, although others may think they are unsociable and lonely. This communication style is often found in people who prefer deep but infrequent connections, which doesn't prevent them from feeling satisfied and happy in their social lives.

The opposite situation is often associated with feelings of isolation among large groups of people. You may believe you have many friends, and those around you may support this opinion, but an internal feeling of isolation can arise for various reasons. Feeling that no one understands you may be a consequence of a lack of deep, sincere relationships. Perhaps you don't share your true thoughts and emotions with others, which creates a barrier to genuine understanding. It can also be the result of differences in interests, values, or life experiences, which makes it difficult to establish an emotional connection. It is important to analyze your relationships and look for ways to deepen them to overcome feelings of loneliness even among friends.

People vary in their levels of sensitivity and empathy. Those with thick skin often have low empathy, which is one characteristic. It is also important to consider cognitive complexity, which can vary. For example, one person may value their friend's shared admiration for the heroes of Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky, while another is content to share laughter over American comedies about teenage sex. These differences in perception and emotional response affect the quality of social interactions and friendships.

For many people, deep mutual understanding and insight are not required in their social connections. Communication often occurs on a superficial level, allowing relationships to be maintained without the need for emotional intimacy. This phenomenon is observed in various social groups where the emphasis is on ease of interaction rather than deep understanding.

One reason you may feel misunderstood is because the level of demands on friendship is too high. For example, you may think, "It's important for me that the person completely meets all my criteria and expectations, as I'm not prepared to compromise." In this case, the search for deep mutual understanding may be delayed, and you will likely not be able to achieve it. Try to reconsider your expectations and open yourself to new acquaintances to improve the quality of your relationship.

Marriage is often described as a continuous compromise. This is because perfect compatibility and maximum similarity between partners are practically unattainable. In any couple, it is impossible to expect both people to agree with each other's every opinion and thought throughout life. This is also true for friendships, where misunderstandings can arise. It is important to understand that differences in opinion are a natural part of any relationship, and the ability to find compromises is key to their success.

Competition between friends is a natural phenomenon. Envy of the achievements of loved ones arises for several reasons. Firstly, we compare ourselves to those around us, and their successes can make us feel dissatisfied with our own. Secondly, our friends often share their successes, making their achievements more noticeable. Finally, envy can be linked to our own expectations and ambitions. Understanding these factors will help us better manage envy and use it as motivation for personal growth.

Envy arises when a person compares themselves to others. In most cases, this feeling manifests itself in situations where comparison is inappropriate. For example, envying the Queen of England is pointless, since most people realize that becoming a king or queen is impossible. Therefore, wasting your energy on such comparisons is simply inappropriate. Instead, it is worth focusing on your own achievements and aspirations to avoid the negative emotions associated with envy.

The more we have in common and the more similar we are to our close friends, the more noticeable envy becomes. Friends are often people we've known for a long time, who belong to the same social circle or started out in similar circumstances. Comparing ourselves to them is easy. If a friend's successes seem more impressive, we feel the need to explain this to ourselves. Admitting one's own fault can negatively impact self-esteem, so many people choose to defend their opinions by claiming that something is wrong with the other person. This desire to protect oneself from negative emotions and maintain self-confidence is common in social interactions.

According to my teacher, Alexander Dontsov, envy is one of the most socially undesirable emotions. This is because envious people rarely acknowledge their feelings. Admitting envy means acknowledging one's own sense of inferiority compared to others. Envy manifests itself in a person becoming upset when a loved one is happy. Unlike other negative emotions, such as fear, anger, or revenge, which society may accept, envy is always frowned upon.

Manipulation, Networking, and Virtual Teams

Why do we experience anxiety when meeting new people? This feeling is associated with a variety of factors, including the fear of evaluation, the desire to make a good impression, and uncertainty about the other party's reaction. Meeting a new person often causes anxiety because we don't know how the interaction will go or how we will be perceived. These emotions can be heightened by expectations and social norms that dictate how we should behave.

Anxiety when meeting new people can also be linked to biological reactions. When interacting with a new person, our bodies release adrenaline and other hormones, which can cause physical manifestations of anxiety, such as a rapid heartbeat and sweating. Understanding these processes can help reduce stress and make meeting new people more comfortable. Thus, anxiety during meeting new people is a natural reaction. Accepting this feeling and using various strategies, such as deep breathing and positive thoughts, can help reduce anxiety and make the communication process more enjoyable and successful. The meeting situation illustrates the primacy effect, known in social psychology. At the level of cognitive biases, we attach great importance to first impressions. It is known that it is impossible to make a first impression twice. This is explained by the fact that our brain strives to save effort and quickly forms an opinion about a person based on first impressions. Thus, the importance of the first meeting is undeniable, as it lays the foundation for subsequent interactions. When meeting new people, we experience anxiety because we only have a few minutes to make a positive impression. It is important to remember that the first impression plays a key role in subsequent interactions. Presenting yourself correctly, confidence, and openness will help create a favorable perception. Use this short pause to showcase your best qualities and engage your interlocutor.

Small talk plays an important role in the process of getting to know each other, creating a relaxed atmosphere and Small talk facilitates rapport between people. It helps relieve tension and facilitate communication, allowing interlocutors to find common interests and topics for discussion. Using light, everyday topics, such as the weather or hobbies, small talk can serve as a launching pad for deeper communication. This helps build trust and strengthen rapport, which is especially important during first acquaintances. Furthermore, small talk is a useful skill that helps develop social connections and improve communication skills. Small talk originated from the idea that initial interactions should be relaxed, but this is a stereotype. In fact, effective communication can be more meaningful. Knowing how to make small talk can help create a comfortable atmosphere, but it is important to remember that every interaction is unique. Conversation can be either informal or in-depth, depending on the context and the mood of the interlocutors. Small talk is light conversation, often touching on general topics and not having a deep meaning. Its primary function is to create an atmosphere of friendliness and comfort, especially in situations where silence might seem awkward. For those skilled in such conversations, small talk becomes an effective way to defuse tension and establish rapport. However, for those unskilled in such conversations, small talk can be perceived as an awkward and even disruptive element of communication. Learning to engage in small talk can significantly improve social interactions and help build connections. There is an opinion that small talk is an exclusively Western tradition, and that Russians are incapable of such conversations. However, this also indicates that Russian culture is less susceptible to rituals and falsehoods in communication. In my opinion, both of these assertions are not entirely correct. They resemble in-group favoritism, when each culture creates justifications for its own characteristics, trying to emphasize its superiority over others. Small talk may also be relevant in Russian realities, it just may manifest itself in different forms. It is important to understand that each culture has its own unique ways of communicating, and this richness should be appreciated rather than compared.

The expression "small talk" is usually used in the context of professional communication. There is also the term "networking," which plays an important role in career advancement. Networking is essential for expanding business connections and creating new opportunities. A person's success largely depends on their ability to establish and maintain contacts with other professionals. Effective communication and the ability to conduct small talk can significantly impact career prospects and create a favorable image in a professional environment.

In career psychology, success is determined by several criteria, among which an important indicator is the number of social contacts. People who view others as a source of opportunities benefit more from communication. However, it should be remembered that, in a sense, each of us perceives others as a potential resource. Developing social connections and establishing professional contacts play a key role in career advancement and achieving success. Effective interaction with colleagues and partners not only facilitates knowledge sharing but also creates new opportunities for career development. Networking is a process of networking in which people openly discuss how they can mutually benefit from each other. This approach fosters professional connections and expands social circles, which in turn can lead to new opportunities and joint projects. Effective networking is based on mutually beneficial relationships and the exchange of ideas that can benefit both individuals and organizations. Friendship is a complex relationship in which the exchange is not always equal. It is not a cynical process, but rather a deep connection based on trust and mutual understanding. In contrast, networking involves a more direct and honest exchange of resources, where both parties can benefit from each other. The most cynical interaction is manipulative, in which one person seeks only to receive, without any desire to return anything. It's important to understand the differences between these types of relationships in order to build them on a foundation of honesty and mutual respect.

Team building plays a key role in building an effective team and increasing employee productivity. It improves communication between team members, builds trust, and helps establish working relationships. As a result, participants begin to understand each other better, which reduces conflicts and facilitates faster task resolution.

Furthermore, team building helps develop teamwork and collaborative decision-making skills. This is essential for creating a cohesive team where each member understands their role and responsibility. Improving team morale directly impacts productivity, as motivated and engaged employees work more effectively and enthusiastically. Therefore, regular team building activities can significantly improve overall team performance, which ultimately leads to the achievement of business goals.

A team united by shared values ​​is the highest level of team development. Employers strive to ensure that the goals and values ​​of team members align, or at least do not conflict with, one another. This creates harmony at work, increases productivity, and facilitates the achievement of shared results. A well-coordinated team that shares common values ​​becomes more resilient to challenges and is able to effectively cope with difficulties. It is important that team values ​​are clearly defined and shared by all members, which contributes to a positive corporate culture and increases employee satisfaction. From an employer's perspective, teamwork is seen as a strategic tool for managing employee loyalty. However, managing loyalty is not easy, and there are a limited number of methods for achieving this goal. One such method is the threat of dismissal, but this is not always effective, especially in an unstable labor market. Another approach is financial incentives, but to successfully implement it, the company must offer more attractive conditions than competitors. I research generations and intergenerational relations, and I can say that younger generations Z and Y have more freedom of choice. They may turn down high salaries for less attractive offers if working for a company that pays less seems more interesting. This phenomenon differs from previous generations, who always sought to maximize income. Today's youth value not only financial aspects but also the atmosphere, opportunities for growth, and the development of personal interests. Therefore, Generations Y and Z may be perceived by older generations as incomprehensible and extraordinary.

The only effective solution for increasing employee loyalty is an emphasis on intangible values. A sense of belonging is one of the fundamental human needs, and a cohesive team is becoming an important factor in retaining qualified specialists. Creating a friendly atmosphere and supporting team spirit not only increases employee satisfaction but also promotes their professional development and commitment to the organization.

Unifying remote teams is a pressing issue for many companies in today's marketplace. For effective collaboration, it is important to use the right tools and strategies.

The first step is to select communication platforms, such as instant messaging apps, video calls, and specialized project management apps. This will help maintain communication between team members and ensure transparency in work.

It's also worth establishing regular meetings and reports to keep everyone informed of current tasks and goals. Developing clear processes and work standards promotes more efficient task completion and increases employee accountability.

It's equally important to create a corporate culture that fosters collaboration and support. This can include team building activities, virtual events, and informal communication.

Properly connecting remote teams not only increases productivity but also promotes team cohesion despite physical distancing.

Virtual teams are becoming increasingly relevant in the modern world. Building a cohesive team in a remote work environment presents a unique challenge. Traditional team building methods, while effective, rely on shared experiences and interactions that are difficult to replicate in a virtual environment. When employees are separated, natural communication disappears: there's no chance to have a cup of tea, discuss work-related matters, or simply chat in a relaxed atmosphere.

However, humanity will not leave this problem unsolved. Research into virtual team building continues, and many companies are already adapting their approaches to team building. We can expect to see new methods and technologies emerge in the coming years that foster stronger bonds between virtual team members. This will make remote work more efficient and comfortable, and will also help create an atmosphere of trust and cooperation, which is so important for successful teamwork.