How to be a good parent – ​​according to Anetta Orlova

Contents:

• How to Maintain Close Relationships in the Family
• The Inner Child and Inner Parent - How They Affect Our Relationships with Children
• How to Maintain Harmony in the Family

Modern parenting has become a specialized field of activity, requiring deep knowledge and practical skills. Every day, parents face the need to make informed decisions, making good parenting not an innate skill but an acquired one. Psychologist Anetta Orlova shared important recommendations on how to develop these skills at the Skillbox online conference "Parenting as a Profession."

In this article, you'll learn about key aspects of the topic, as well as receive helpful recommendations and practical advice. We'll cover the basic principles and current trends to help you better understand the subject. The focus will be on key factors and their impact. Read on to deepen your knowledge and acquire new skills in this area.

• how parents can maintain closeness with each other and with their children;
• how parental “inner child” and “inner parent” influence our real relationships with children;
• what three practices will help make family life more harmonious.

Psychologist with a degree A candidate of sociological sciences, he is the author of books in the field of psychology. His works cover various aspects of psychology, offering readers a deep understanding of human behavior and emotions. Professional experience and scientific qualifications make him an expert in his field, which allows him to offer effective solutions for psychological problems.

How to Maintain Close Relationships in the Family

The family is a complex system that includes several subsystems. Each of these subsystems plays an important role in shaping family relationships and dynamics. For example, the parental subsystem is responsible for raising and supporting children, while the marital subsystem helps strengthen the emotional bond between partners. The interaction of these subsystems influences the overall atmosphere in the family, as well as the social and emotional development of each of its members. Understanding the structure and functioning of the family system helps improve communication and resolve conflicts, which in turn promotes harmony and stability in the family.

• marital relationships - if the family has both parents;
• parent-child relationships;
• relationships between children, if there are several children.

It is important to achieve mutual understanding in all subsystems to ensure the overall well-being of the family. When each part of the family actively interacts and supports each other, this contributes to harmony and stability in the relationship. Creating an atmosphere of trust and support in each subsystem is a key factor in strengthening family ties and improving the quality of life together.

Maintaining harmony in the relationship between spouses is of particular importance. Over time, many couples begin to pay more attention to children, work, and daily concerns, as a result of which they stop noticing each other. The partner turns from a full-fledged individual into a functional unit performing joint tasks. Communication in married life loses its support and warmth, being replaced by routine, which leads to a loss of intimacy. It is important to remember the need to devote time to each other to maintain an emotional connection and strengthen family ties.

Excessive focus on children in the family can negatively affect marital relationships. When parents put the interests of their children above their own, this can lead to a deterioration in their interactions and mutual understanding. A poor relationship between parents not only undermines their bond but also has a detrimental effect on the child, as they feel tension and conflict in the family. Therefore, it is important to maintain a balance between caring for children and maintaining a strong relationship between spouses. To maintain a harmonious relationship between partners, it is necessary to pay attention to several key aspects. It is important to communicate openly and share your feelings, as this helps build trust. Regular joint activities and time spent together help create strong bonds. It is also worth showing support and understanding to each other, especially during difficult times. Respect and acceptance of differences between partners play a significant role in maintaining intimacy. Don't forget about romance and the little things that make a relationship more intense and interesting. Constantly working on the relationship and a willingness to compromise will help maintain its longevity and harmony. Make time for communication together and devote it to shared interests - traveling, exhibitions, cinema, parties, concerts. You can listen to music and discuss books together.

A loss of intimacy can also occur in parent-child relationships. In their pursuit of success and high grades, parents often forget that their child needs love, support, and understanding. Relationships built on the principles of "I'm an adult - you're a child" and "I speak - you listen and obey" can trigger rebellious behavior in a child and lead to conflicts during adolescence. It's important to understand that trust and open communication are the foundation of healthy parent-child relationships. By paying attention to your child's emotional needs, you can avoid many problems and create a strong bond that will support the family for many years.

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Raising a Teenager: Recommendations from a Psychologist

Raising a teenager is a complex and responsible process that requires patience and understanding. Psychologists recommend following several key principles that will help build a trusting relationship with a teenager. First, it is important to establish open communication. Listen to what your child says and show interest in their opinions. This will help create an atmosphere of trust.

Second, try to be consistent in your demands and rules. Teenagers need clear boundaries, but it is also important to take their opinions into account and remain flexible. Discuss the consequences of their actions with them so they can understand their responsibility.

Also, don't forget about support and encouragement. Recognize your teenager's successes, even if they seem insignificant. This will help strengthen their self-esteem and motivation. It is also important to pay attention to their hobbies and interests so that they feel supported by you.

Finally, be a role model. Teenagers often imitate the behavior of adults, so try to demonstrate the qualities you want to see in your child. Take care of your own emotional state to become a reliable support for them during difficult times.

By following these recommendations, you can create a healthy and productive atmosphere for raising a teenager.

Communication with a child should be based on equality, as with a less experienced colleague. Although the child may not understand everything, it is important to avoid lecturing and pressuring authority. Instead, use arguments and seek compromises. This approach will help children feel important and develop respect for their parents and adults, rather than fear. Establishing trusting relationships creates an atmosphere in which the child will be open to communication and ready to accept advice, which promotes their development and strengthens family ties.

Power-subordinate relationships do not create an atmosphere of love and trust. Constant dominance over a child can lead to their protest. Therefore, it is necessary to establish a trusting dialogue that will help build mutual understanding and strengthen the emotional connection. It is important to create a space in which the child feels heard and understood, which promotes harmonious development and the formation of healthy relationships.

The Inner Child and the Inner Parent - How They Affect Our Relationships with Children

Each person has a psychological image of childhood experiences known as the inner child. This aspect of our personality plays a significant role in shaping our behavior and perception of the world. Under ideal conditions, the inner child manifests as curious, calm, and creative. However, if you experienced mistrust, suppression, or excessive control as a child, your inner child may become insecure, fearful of responsibility, and seeking constant approval. This behavior can be unwittingly passed on to the next generation, influencing the upbringing of your own children. Understanding and working with your inner child can help improve relationships and create a more trusting atmosphere in the family.

The paradox of parenting is that we cannot establish harmonious relationships with our children until we achieve inner harmony with our inner child. Understanding and accepting our childhood experiences and emotions is the key to successful parenting. Finding balance within ourselves allows us to better understand the needs and feelings of our children. Harmony with our own inner child contributes to the creation of a healthy family atmosphere where trust and mutual understanding reign. It is important to recognize that our emotional state directly affects our relationships with our children and their development. Therefore, working on ourselves and our inner world is essential for developing harmonious family bonds.

The unconscious goals and needs imposed on us in childhood significantly influence our relationships with real children and shape their personalities. For example, if our inner child experiences a lack of attention, this can lead to avoiding closeness with our own children, fearing we'll exhaust our emotional resources. Conversely, we may over-attentive our children, seeking to compensate for the lack of care we received in our own childhood. Such behavioral patterns can negatively impact children's emotional development and their relationships with others. Understanding these mechanisms is important for forming healthy relationships with children and their harmonious development.

In each of us, in addition to the inner child, there is an inner parent - this is the voice that conveys the values ​​​​and attitudes inherited from the family. The inner child is responsible for our emotions and experiences, while the inner parent analyzes our actions and evaluates future possibilities. This inner parent shapes our self-esteem and influences our decision-making, based on the experiences and beliefs we adopted in childhood. Understanding the role of the inner parent can help us become more aware of our actions and improve our quality of life. It is important to develop this aspect to harmoniously combine the emotional component of the inner child with the rational assessment of the inner parent. The inner parent is an important aspect of personality psychology that influences our behavior and perception of the world. It is formed through upbringing and interactions with others. The inner parent can manifest in various forms, such as caring, strict, or critical. This inner voice helps us regulate our emotions and make decisions based on our experiences. Understanding your inner parental role allows you to better understand your reactions and improve your quality of life, as well as your interactions with others. By working on your inner parent, you can develop more harmonious relationships with yourself and others.

• supportive - helps the child feel safe and explore the world;
• critical - is afraid for the child, and therefore is insecure, dissatisfied, suspicious;
• punishing - is afraid of punishment, therefore is always ready to punish another.

If your childhood was spent under the control of critical and strict parents, then in adulthood this internal The "voice" formed by parental attitudes will influence your behavior towards your own children. You may feel the need to be the perfect parent, strive for your child to succeed in everything, believe that you must provide only the best, and feel that you have no right to rest. These attitudes can create pressure and interfere with your enjoyment of parenting and the development of healthy relationships with your children. Supporting and understanding your own boundaries can help you become a more conscious and harmonious parent.

Parents under the pressure of modern values ​​often feel dissatisfied with their efforts, thinking: "I don't have time for anything" or "I don't have enough energy." In fact, these are successful people who achieve significant results, but constantly criticize themselves and are dissatisfied with what they have achieved. Their inner voice always finds flaws, which prevents them from enjoying their achievements.

Parents often have a tendency to accumulate in their affairs and projects, a desire to achieve ever greater results both in the family and at work. They seem to be in a never-ending race with a non-existent opponent, ignoring the need for rest in an attempt to achieve unattainable goals that they believe will help calm the inner critic. Over time, this race leads to emotional exhaustion and apathy. It is important to realize that a balance between work and rest is necessary for maintaining psycho-emotional health and effective task performance.

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Loving yourself and increasing your self-esteem are important steps towards personal happiness and harmony. The first step to self-acceptance is recognizing your uniqueness. Each of us has our own strengths and talents that are worth appreciating. Regular self-reflection will help you identify and develop these qualities.

Taking care of your physical and mental health also plays a key role. Exercise, proper nutrition, and regular rest contribute to improved well-being and increased self-confidence. Practicing gratitude, when you daily note the positive moments in your life, promotes positive thinking and strengthens self-esteem.

It is important to surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Communication with those who believe in you and inspire you creates a healthy atmosphere for self-development. Freeing yourself from toxic relationships and the negative influence of others will help you focus on your own goals and desires.

Remember that mistakes and failures are a part of life. Accepting your shortcomings and forgiving yourself for your mistakes helps build healthy self-esteem. Learn to learn from difficult situations rather than dwelling on them.

Taking up new hobbies or developing skills will not only distract you but also boost your self-confidence. Start small and gradually move towards bigger goals, celebrating every success.

Loving yourself is a process that requires time and effort, but it opens the door to a more fulfilling life and strengthens inner harmony.

How to Maintain Harmony in the Family

To achieve success, you need to master three key skills: planning, concentration, and self-support. These skills will help you effectively manage your time and resources and stay motivated throughout the process. Planning allows you to clearly define goals and how to achieve them, concentration helps you focus on important tasks, and self-motivation helps you overcome challenges and maintain high energy levels. By developing these skills, you can significantly increase your productivity and achieve your desired results. Effective time management is based on several key rules. By following them, you can significantly increase your productivity and learn to manage your time more consciously. The first rule is prioritization. Identify important tasks and focus on them first. The second rule is using calendars and planners. Write down your tasks so you don't forget them and can track their progress. The third rule is setting deadlines for each task. This will create a sense of urgency and help avoid procrastination. The fourth rule is regularly analyzing and adjusting your plans. Track what works and what doesn't, and adapt your strategies. By following these guidelines, you can manage your time more effectively and achieve your goals.

• The One-Hour Rule. Try to plan your day so that you leave one hour for engaged and attentive communication with your child, one hour for time alone with your spouse, and one hour that you dedicate only to yourself.
• The One-Hour Rule Before Bed. An hour before bed, put away all gadgets and spend time on quiet activities.
• The One-Week Rule. Every week, try something new with your family: you can go somewhere you haven't been before, watch a new movie, or try a new cuisine.
• Maintain a system of recurring rituals. A Sunday trip to the park, an annual family Halloween. Habitual rituals bring the whole family together.
• Separate personal and work time. If possible, leave work at work; avoid distractions at home, such as checking emails and replying to instant messages.

Single-pointed attention is the ability to focus on one task at a time, avoiding distractions. This skill can increase productivity and work efficiency, as focusing on one task promotes deeper understanding and a higher-quality result. The ability to concentrate on one thing at a time helps avoid multitasking, which often leads to a decrease in the quality of work and an increase in stress. Developing the skill of single-pointed attention is an important aspect for achieving success in any field of activity.

For many parents, maintaining one focus for an hour becomes a real challenge. Are you often interrupted? Is it difficult to concentrate on the parenting process? To understand this, you can conduct a simple experiment: time the time you spend with your child, for example, reading a book, and record how many times during this period external factors, such as work or other concerns, distract you. This approach will help you better understand how important it is to be in the moment and how it affects the quality of communication with your child.

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Mindfulness: Concept, Practices, and Development Methods

Mindfulness is a state of full attention and presence in the present moment. It helps people better understand their thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, which contributes to a better quality of life. Mindfulness practices include meditation, breathing exercises, and paying attention to everyday actions. These techniques help improve concentration, reduce stress, and increase emotional resilience.

Developing mindfulness requires regular practice. You can start with simple exercises, such as observing your breath or mindfully performing everyday tasks. Gradually, mindfulness becomes a part of your life, which contributes to improved relationships and increased overall satisfaction. Using mindfulness in everyday life promotes a deeper understanding of yourself and the world around you, and also helps you cope with difficult situations.

Pay attention to each moment when the urge to get distracted arises, and return the focus to your child and the activity you are doing together. Don't allow yourself to get distracted, as any distraction, even minor, like "I'll just answer one message," sends a signal to your child that they're not your priority. Maintaining a focused, focused conversation with your child helps strengthen the bond and create a comfortable atmosphere for spending time together. Avoid criticizing yourself for mistakes. Instead, focus on your accomplishments and celebrate them. A positive approach to your own successes will help you boost your self-esteem and motivate you to achieve even greater heights.

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Learning new topics and staying up-to-date with relevant information are important aspects in today's world. We encourage you to familiarize yourself with a range of useful materials that can significantly expand your knowledge and skills. Diving into a variety of information sources will help you stay up-to-date with the latest trends and changes in your field of interest. Pay attention to recommendations that can help you in self-education and professional growth.

Self-flagellation: what it is and how to deal with it

Self-flagellation is a psychological mechanism in which a person condemns or criticizes themselves for their actions, thoughts, or feelings. This can manifest itself in the form of negative thoughts, self-blame, and guilt. Often, self-flagellation becomes a habit that interferes with living a full life and achieving goals.

To cope with self-flagellation, it is important to become aware of your thoughts and feelings. Start by paying attention to your internal dialogue and writing down negative thoughts. Then analyze them for objectivity and reality. Replace criticism with constructive thoughts and support yourself the way you would support a loved one.

It is also helpful to develop self-compassion. This means being kind and understanding to yourself, rather than cruel and demanding. Practicing meditation, keeping a gratitude journal, and exercising can help improve self-esteem and reduce self-blame. Remember that overcoming self-blame is a process that takes time and effort. With professional help, if needed, and consistent practice, you can learn to treat yourself with more love and understanding. Supporting yourself during challenging times is an important part of psychological well-being. There are many ways to build your strength and improve your emotional well-being. Start with regular exercise, which promotes the production of endorphins and improves overall well-being. Pay attention to your diet—a balanced diet plays a key role in maintaining energy and a positive mood. Don't forget the importance of sleep. Quality rest helps restore strength and improve concentration. Practice relaxation techniques, such as meditation or yoga, to calm the mind and reduce stress. Connecting with loved ones and friends can also be an important source of support and inspiration.

Enjoy your favorite hobbies that bring you joy and satisfaction. This will help distract you from negative thoughts and focus on the positive aspects of life. Devote time to self-improvement—reading books, taking online courses, or learning new skills will help you feel more confident and motivated.

Remember that seeking help from professionals, such as psychologists or coaches, is a normal and healthy step. Support from a specialist can have a significant impact on your emotional well-being and help you cope with difficulties. Taking care of yourself is an important step towards happiness and harmony.

• Don't neglect sleep: sleep as much as you need;
• Engage in a sport that suits you;
• Use slowing down techniques: yoga, meditation;
• Get enough physical contact (touches, hugs, kisses);
• Communicate with friends;
• See the results of your activities;
• Receive positive feedback on what you do.

For children to grow up happy and confident, they need to feel satisfied and at peace with their parents. This is a child's basic need. It is important to talk about yourself positively. If you make a mistake, treat yourself with the same support and understanding you would give to a child or friend. Taking care of your own emotional state directly affects the well-being of children and helps build their self-confidence.

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