How to Cope with Bad News and Survive It

Contents:

• Step One: Reduce Information and Release Emotions
• Step Two: Develop a Strategy for When the Event Occurs
• Step Three: Build a Habit
• Step Four: Use Trusted Sources of Information
• Step Five: Focus on Controllable Aspects
• Step Six: Analyze Medical Terminology
• Step Seven: Communication and Intimate Support
• Step Eight: Consult with psychologist

If you are confident that you will soon receive unpleasant news about your health or the condition of people you care about, it is important to prepare for it in advance. We have developed a sequence of steps in collaboration with the executive director of the Zhivi charity foundation.

In this article, you will learn about the following topics:

• How to cope with anxiety and maintain inner balance.
• How to maintain peace of mind in anticipation of negative news?
• Discussing and experiencing emotions plays a key role in our lives. First of all, it helps us better understand our own feelings and respond to them appropriately. Sharing our experiences not only relieves internal tension but also gives us the opportunity to see the situation from a different perspective, which can lead to new insights.

  Furthermore, openly expressing emotions helps strengthen connections with others. People who share their experiences create an atmosphere of trust and mutual understanding, which in turn helps build stronger and deeper relationships.

  It is also important to note that suppressing emotions can have negative consequences for mental and physical health. Unresolved feelings can accumulate and cause stress, anxiety, or even depression. Experiencing emotions allows us to cope with them, find ways to resolve them, and ultimately lead a more harmonious life.

  Therefore, openly discussing emotions not only enriches our inner world but also contributes to the creation of healthier and more supportive relationships with others.

• When you need to start a conversation with someone about to learn about a serious diagnosis, it is important to choose your words with particular care and sensitivity. Here are some phrases that might help you through this delicate communication:

  1. "I want to talk to you about what we learned. This won't be easy, but I'm here to support you."
  2. "It's really important to me that you know I'm here for you. Let's discuss the results we've had."
  3. "I understand this may be hard to hear, but I want you to know the whole truth. You're not alone in this."
  4. "Please know that I'm willing to listen and support you, no matter what we hear."
  5. «This is a difficult moment, and I want you to know that we will get through this together.»

  Phrases like these can help create an atmosphere of trust and support, which is very important in such difficult times.

General Director of the Zhivi aid fund, which deals with charitable activities.

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Stage One: Reducing the Flow of Information and Freeing Emotions

Managing your thoughts is a task that only a few can accomplish. This becomes especially difficult at times when it seems that the familiar way of life is coming to an end. At such moments, when the mind wavers between unrealistic hopes and oppressive fears, it is extremely important not to aggravate the situation with unnecessary worries.

"You shouldn't get too deeply into reading materials or discussing the current situation - this can only increase your anxiety and create the illusion of hopelessness. Try to distract yourself, do something enjoyable, and give yourself a chance to rest."

Elena Dubikova

Temporary distraction from difficulties should not be perceived as betrayal of a loved one in their difficult situation. On the contrary, it allows you to preserve an important resource that can later be used for real support. Constant anxiety is exhausting, and those facing bad news or serious diagnoses are extremely important to conserve their strength in order to resist the illness.

In such circumstances, you should not judge yourself for showing emotions. Elena Dubikova emphasizes that experiencing feelings such as fear, sadness, anger, or hopelessness is completely normal. This is not a sign of weakness, but evidence that you are a living person who feels pain and does not remain indifferent.

Elena emphasizes that awareness and acceptance of your own feelings helps reduce internal stress. This becomes the starting point for successfully overcoming difficult circumstances.

Read also:

Suppressed feelings: what does it mean and what risks are associated with them.

Stage two: developing a strategy in case the event occurs

Anxiety is a protective An evolutionary mechanism that helps you cope with uncertainty. When a loved one faces a serious illness, life becomes filled with many uncertainties. To reduce anxiety, sometimes it's necessary to take a difficult step: analyze all possible scenarios and consider how you might respond to each of them.

"Consider possible actions: this will help you feel more confident in the current situation and reduce anxiety about the unpredictable. Understanding that there are clear steps you can take creates a sense of stability. Reflecting on potentially negative consequences doesn't mean you're giving up, but rather serves as a way to conserve internal resources and prepare to overcome difficulties with maximum resilience."

Elena Dubikova

Additionally, loved ones can be an important source of support. Even if the information hasn't yet been voiced, it's helpful to discuss your feelings with family and friends. Such conversations:

• reduce internal tension;
• create the impression that you are not alone in this situation;
• promote the experience of emotions, rather than suppressing them.

Read also:

Scary thoughts: reasons their occurrence and ways to get rid of them.

Stage Three: Reinforcing the Habit

This is another method for coping with anxiety. By maintaining habitual activities and a daily routine, we restore a sense of control over circumstances under stress.

This is due to the fact that the brain finds comfort in familiar tasks. Thus, maintaining a habitual routine, even when disturbing news is expected, creates the illusion of stability and helps maintain emotional balance, notes Elena Dubikova.

If you are unable to follow your intended schedule, try to develop supportive rituals for yourself. For example:

• enjoy a cup of tea or coffee after your morning meal in a quiet environment, listening to your favorite tunes or watching an episode of your favorite TV series;
• Before going to bed, write down five to seven things you are grateful for about yourself and the day. These can even be small things, like a delicious donut or an umbrella you remembered to take on a rainy day.
• During lunch, you can enjoy your favorite sweets or fruit.

These small details, which are constantly repeated, can bring us back to reality in time, distracting us from anxious thoughts and reminding us that life goes on. Ultimately, simple actions such as walking in the fresh air, eating right, and getting enough sleep will allow you to preserve the resources you need to support your loved ones.

“It’s important to remember the need to take care of your physical and emotional state: this is not a privilege, but a vital necessity. A balanced diet, active walks, breathing exercises, and periodic rest help strengthen internal resilience, allowing you to cope with difficulties and not lose hope in anticipation of negative news.”

Elena Dubikova

Step Four: Use Reliable Sources of Information

The more information you have about your condition, as well as the health of your loved ones or your child, the less anxiety you have about the future. However, consuming any and all materials is not the smartest approach.

There are numerous online resources that provide inaccurate information about medications, diseases, and survival statistics. Moreover, many of these resources often contradict each other, creating the impression that understanding these issues is impossible and there is no way out. When fear and anxiety are already taking hold of the mind and body, it is crucial to avoid additional sources of stress.

Therefore, it is important to evaluate information carefully. Before spending time studying multiple sources, it is wiser to focus on one trusted resource and delve into the topic as deeply as possible. This is preferable to endlessly opening new browser tabs, hoping to find useful information. A list of reputable sources can be requested from charities that have been supporting people with specific conditions for many years.

Receiving reliable information creates a sense of confidence and facilitates informed decision-making in challenging circumstances. For example, the Children's Leukemia InfoCenter is a unique and reliable source of information on childhood leukemia in Russia. It features materials created with the participation of medical professionals, psychologists, and lawyers, making this information trustworthy.

Elena Dubikova

Stage Five: Focus on Controllable Aspects

When a medical professional prepares to deliver devastating news, it feels like the world around you is falling apart. In this state of panic, the mind offers a variety of different tasks: you need to call, send a message, buy or sell something, quit your job, find a new job, or even change your place of residence.

Some of these thoughts don't even take a clear form in the mind: save, protect, radically change. The fear of not being able to accomplish these tasks for yourself intensifies: a feeling of meaninglessness takes hold when it's unclear how to achieve such ambitious goals.

However, this is just a deception. Gradual actions and small but tangible achievements contribute to your progress. Even in the most difficult situations, there are aspects you can control. For example:

• choosing a doctor;
• caring for a baby and providing him with small, mood-lifting pleasures;
• establishing logistical processes between medical institutions and the patients' place of residence;
• finding emotional and material help for the family.

Elena notes that focusing on these tasks helps maintain inner strength and a sense of self-worth.

Read also:

Coping behavior is a set of strategies and actions that help a person cope with difficulties and stressful situations. This skill allows you to find solutions in difficult circumstances, minimizing negative consequences and maintaining psycho-emotional balance.

To develop coping skills, it is important to first become aware of your emotions and reactions to stress. You should start by analyzing your own reactions to different situations: which methods help you cope with difficulties, and which, on the contrary, aggravate the situation. Deep breathing, meditation, or journaling can help in this process.

In addition, it is useful to learn from the experience of others: read books, watch educational videos, or attend seminars where coping strategies are discussed. Discussing your experiences with friends or professionals can also provide new perspectives and ideas for problem-solving. Patience and a willingness to change are key. Coping behavior isn't developed overnight, but with consistent practice and self-awareness, you can make significant strides in managing life's challenges. Step 6: Analyze Medical Terminology Phrases like "Why didn't you come sooner?" or "What took you so long?" from a medical professional can leave you feeling incredibly guilty. It's important to remember that self-criticism won't do you any good. Chances are, you were doing the best you could given the circumstances. It's impossible to return to the past with current knowledge, so don't waste your emotions and energy on self-deprecation.

Elena also emphasizes that a doctor's statements represent their expert opinion, and in some stressful situations, healthcare professionals may resort to less sensitive wording.

First of all, it's important to remain calm and not perceive the doctor's words as a personal attack. If you encounter accusations or reproaches, it's worth focusing on what the specialist is trying to say. Often, their goal is to emphasize the importance of seeking medical help in a timely manner or the need to closely monitor certain symptoms at the moment.

Elena Dubikova

It's also important to remember that no one can be completely immune to mistakes or shortcomings. Illness is a multifaceted process affecting many aspects. Don't unnecessarily blame yourself or others. It's much wiser to focus on what can be done now to help your child and improve the situation, Elena notes. Keep in mind: the past cannot be changed. The most important thing is to ensure your child's health and well-being in the present moment. Receiving reliable information creates a sense of confidence and facilitates informed decision-making in difficult circumstances. For example, the Children's Leukemia Info Center platform, which is the only recognized source of information on childhood leukemia in Russia, presents information developed in collaboration with medical specialists, psychologists, and lawyers, which makes it reliable."

Elena Dubikova

Stage Seven: Communication and Intimacy Support

When a person is faced with receiving unpleasant news, they may find themselves in a state of emotional turmoil. This is especially true when it comes to a child, as children are often unable to recognize their own feelings even in simpler situations. At such a time, it is crucial to have people nearby who are ready to help them understand what is happening inside and support them in their experiences.

Sometimes it is necessary to voice what at first glance seems obvious: “You feel hurt because this is not what you deserve,” “You feel afraid because you don’t know what lies ahead,” “You are angry because this should not have happened.” When someone says this, it is easier for a person to acknowledge their emotions and find a way to express them without allowing them to destroy them from within.

The importance of a detailed explanation of the diagnosis for a child before adolescence is not mandatory, Elena believes. At this age, children process information based on their emotions. Therefore, she emphasizes, it's important to avoid direct communication about serious illnesses, such as cancer, without prior preparation and understanding of their psychological state.

"We understand how important it is for a child to understand their diagnosis correctly. That's why we've translated and adapted a series of animated films called 'Imaginary Friends,' which help children more easily perceive a difficult reality. These cartoons present the illness in a positive light and through engaging stories, which helps reduce anxiety and strengthen internal resources. This approach promotes a smoother absorption of information and allows the child to remain resilient during difficult times."

Elena Dubikova

Teenagers are mature enough to perceive complex ideas and understand their importance, so issues can be discussed with them more openly. However, providing support and creating a trusting environment in which the child will feel protected and understand that they are not alone remains key.

To help relatives who find themselves in a difficult situation after receiving bad news, it is crucial to show genuine concern and a willingness to support them during this difficult period. In addition, it is worth choosing words that will help them see reality and feel hope for the best. Here are some quotes Elena suggested:

• “I am here for you, and we will get through this together.”
• “This is really difficult and unfair, and I understand that you are experiencing fear, resentment, and pain.”
• “I understand that it is difficult to hope for anything good at the moment, but by uniting we can find the strength to move forward.”
• “No matter what challenges lie ahead, I will stay by your side and will not leave you.”
• “Even though I cannot fully understand what you are going through, know that I am here and ready to listen to you.”
• “You matter to me, and I want you to know that you are not alone in this situation.”
• “If you need to talk or just sit in silence, I am here for you.”
• “There is Is there anything I can do to help, or should I just stay by your side? ”

“Sincerity and patience are of the utmost importance,” Elena emphasizes, “to convey to a person that their experiences matter, that they are not alone in their suffering, and that there are those nearby who are ready to support them even without having to talk.”

Read also:

Emotional connection is a concept in psychology that refers to the depth and quality of relationships between people based on feelings and mutual understanding. It represents more than just physical or social interaction; it is a state in which individuals feel emotionally connected to each other.

This connection can manifest itself in various forms, including intimacy, trust, and support. It plays a key role in the formation of stable and healthy relationships, whether in family, friendship, or romantic relationships. Emotional connection often includes the ability to share your thoughts and experiences, as well as a feeling of understanding and acceptance by the other person.

From a psychological perspective, a strong emotional connection contributes to improved mental and physical well-being. It can reduce stress levels, increase self-esteem, and help in overcoming life's difficulties. An important aspect of this connection is the capacity for empathy, which allows people to feel each other's emotions and respond to them appropriately.

Thus, emotional connection is an important element of human life, influencing not only personal relationships but also the overall quality of life.

Step Eight: Consultation with a Psychologist

There is a common belief that psychologists are needed exclusively by those who suffer from mental illness. However, in reality, everything is different: these professionals primarily help mentally healthy people experiencing stress or increased anxiety.

A misconception about internal perception is that a visit to a psychologist indicates an inability to cope with difficulties on your own. In fact, the situation is quite the opposite: by seeking professional support during a difficult period, we actually come closer to solving our problems and, thus, act more effectively.

Keep in mind that without inner strength and resilience, you will not be able to support your loved one. It's important to understand that in some cases, a psychologist's help isn't simply desirable, but a truly important support and protection, not a sign of weakness or empty desire.

Psychologists desempegan a crucial function in the care of patients and their families. The pediatric oncohematology departments funded by the Zhivi Foundation employ qualified oncopsychologists who provide their services to parents completely free of charge during treatment. This support is invaluable, as it helps them understand their feelings, come to terms with physical changes, and realize that all difficulties are temporary.

Elena Dubikova

Elena explains that the foundation's psychologists actively collaborate with medical professionals. Doctors, in turn, play an important role in identifying those patients and parents who may require additional psychological support. In addition, the foundation's specialists refer people experiencing significant emotional stress or facing difficulties in adapting to illnesses to psychologists.

This systemic strategy ensures the prompt provision of necessary support and the creation of the most comfortable environment for families during difficult treatment periods.

"Each of these actions not only facilitates the acceptance of difficult information but also allows you to find the inner strength to continue the fight for your child. It is important to remember that even in the most difficult times, resources live in your heart—such as love, hope, and the support of loved ones—which help you not to lose your fortitude and move on."

Elena Dubikova