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Candidate of Psychological Sciences, Associate Professor of the Department of Developmental Psychology at the Faculty of Psychology of the Lomonosov Moscow State University. Specializes in research in the field of developmental psychology, studying changes in mental development at different stages of life. Actively participates in scientific activities and publications, contributing to the development of psychology as a science.
In this article, you will learn:
- how to behave, what to say, and what to refrain from on the morning before an exam;
- what effect can the phrase "I'm sure you can do it!" have;
- what to do if your child returns from an exam and is sure that he or she failed;
- what steps will help create a supportive atmosphere at home during the Unified State Exam period.
The morning before the exam: what to say other than "Break a leg"?
Exams always cause anxiety. Due to stress, students may make mistakes and show results below their capabilities. Therefore, teenagers need support during the OGE, USE, and other assessments. Emotional support, preparation, and proper time management can help reduce anxiety and improve exam results. It's important to create a comfortable atmosphere where students feel confident and can demonstrate their knowledge. On exam day, parents can use various strategies to support their children. Creating a calm atmosphere is essential to relieve tension. Parents can offer a light breakfast to provide the necessary energy. It's also worth reminding children of the importance of getting a good night's sleep before the exam. Support in the form of moral support and reassurance can significantly boost their confidence. Parents can discuss their worries and expectations with their children and help them create a plan for the exam day to avoid unnecessary stress. Support at this important time can play a crucial role in successfully passing the exam.
- It can help the child build morale and remind them of the importance of the exam;
- It can help calm them and relieve unnecessary anxiety.
Both approaches can have both a positive and negative impact on the teenager. The impact depends on the individual needs of each young person. For some, excitement may be the motivator, which motivates them to take action, while other teenagers need support and attention to cope with the pressure of the situation. Understanding these differences is important to creating a comfortable and supportive environment.
It's important for parents to acknowledge their child's feelings, especially during times of anxiety. If a child is experiencing fear or anxiety, it's important to explain that this is normal. Acknowledging and understanding their emotions helps make fear more understandable and "legitimized." This creates a sense of support and confidence for the teenager, as they feel heard, accepted, and supported. Parental support in such situations promotes emotional well-being and the development of healthy self-esteem in the teenager.
Phrases like, "Why are you so nervous? Everything's fine!" and "We didn't sleep all night ourselves, we don't know how to calm down!" won't help in a difficult situation. Feigning calm and trying to convince them that the Unified State Exam isn't that important can be perceived as hypocrisy. This will only increase the child's anxiety, who will ultimately be left alone with their worries. Instead, it is important to show sincere support and understanding to help him cope with anxiety and stress.
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Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a method of interacting with people based on empathy, honesty, and mutual understanding. This approach helps establish constructive dialogue, avoiding conflicts and misunderstandings. The main goal of NVC is to create an atmosphere in which each participant feels heard and understood.
To learn nonviolent communication, it is important to develop the skills of active listening and expressing your feelings and needs. Begin by recognizing your emotions and needs and learning to formulate them correctly. Practice empathy, trying to understand the other person's point of view. Pay attention to how you formulate your thoughts, avoiding blame and criticism.
Nonviolent communication can significantly improve the quality of your relationships in both your personal and professional lives. Learning NVC involves working on your own perceptions and applying the acquired knowledge in practice. This may take time and effort, but as a result, you will be able to create more harmonious and productive communication in various areas of your life.
Don't go into detail about what exactly your child is afraid of; it is important only to acknowledge that this feeling is present and natural in this situation.
Support your teenager's confidence that, despite anxiety, they are capable of successfully passing exams. Remind them of their knowledge and intelligence, which will help them overcome any difficulties. It is important to create an atmosphere in which they feel confident and ready for challenges.
It is important for children and adolescents to understand that exams are not a measure of their worth. Parents will love and respect their children regardless of test results. Support and understanding from parents play a key role in building confidence in young people. Recognizing that exams are just one stage in life will help reduce the stress and anxiety associated with academic tests.
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Being a good parent is an important task that requires love, patience, and understanding. The foundation of successful parenting is building trusting relationships with your children. Listen to them, consider their opinions, and provide support in all endeavors.
Communication plays a key role in parenting. Regular conversations will help you better understand your child's feelings and experiences. It's important not only to speak but also to listen. Creating a safe and comfortable environment for discussing various topics will help strengthen your relationship.
It is also necessary to set clear boundaries and rules. This helps children feel secure and understand what is expected of them. However, it is important to be consistent and fair in your demands so as not to confuse the child.
Don't forget about the importance of spending time together. Spending time together, whether playing games, reading books, or playing sports, helps strengthen family bonds and develop trust.
Take care of your own well-being. A good parent is, first and foremost, a happy and healthy person. Take time for yourself so that you can be a supportive partner for your children.
By following these principles, you can become a good parent and create a harmonious atmosphere in the family.
"I'm sure you can do it!" - do such words help or harm?
Every child and parent is unique. Some teenagers may negatively perceive attempts at support, since their parents' opinions and their own assessments of the situation may not coincide. However, for teenagers experiencing self-doubt and self-doubt, adults' belief in their potential often proves a significant support. Parental support can help build confidence in adolescents, helping them overcome doubts and develop their skills. Comparisons with others, such as phrases like "you'll do better than everyone else" or "you're the smartest in the class," often don't produce the desired results. They can distract a child from their own achievements and efforts. Instead of focusing on exam preparation and their own results, the child begins to worry about how their classmate will do or whether their parents will be pleased if one of their friends is more successful. This can lead to stress and a decrease in self-confidence. It is important to support the child in their individual efforts and achievements, which will help build healthy motivation and self-confidence. A safe way to provide support is to stimulate a person's internal resources to overcome difficult situations and tasks, as well as to develop the ability to concentrate despite anxiety. Instead of saying things like, "You'll definitely get an A!", it's better to say, "I see you've prepared hard. You've already accomplished a lot and are ready to show off your results." This approach helps build confidence and promotes successful goal achievement.
My child returned from an exam in tears: they're sure they wrote it poorly. What should they do?
When a child returns home depressed after an exam, parents try to change the situation and reassure the teenager that the results aren't as bad as they seem. However, some adults are so worried about the final grades that they try to convince not only the child, but also themselves, of a positive outcome. It's important to support children in such moments, showing understanding and care. Emotional support from parents can help teenagers cope with anxiety and increase self-confidence, which ultimately leads to a better perception of the situation and improved performance in the future.
Children often perceive attempts to reassure them as inconsistent with their inner experiences and emotions. This can make them feel that adults' advice is unnecessary or even hypocritical. In such situations, teenagers may express dissatisfaction by saying, "Mom, Dad, you don't understand!"
Don't leave a teenager alone with worries about failure. It's important to acknowledge their feelings and validate them, not ignore them. Teenagers need to hear that their emotions are valid and genuine. It's truly difficult and distressing not to know the outcome and worry that they haven't completed tasks. Support and understanding from adults will help teenagers cope with these experiences and learn to accept their emotions.
Once the child feels safe, you can begin to redirect their attention to other activities. This will help distract them from anxious thoughts and create a positive atmosphere. Using various games, creative activities, or reading books can help improve their mood and develop skills. It's important to choose activities that are interesting and engaging for your child, allowing them to relax and enjoy the time.
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Helping your child find and develop their talents is an important task for parents. Start by observing your child's interests and hobbies. Pay attention to what they like to do in their free time. This could be drawing, music, sports, or something else. Create an environment for experimentation: enroll them in clubs, sections, or workshops so they can try different activities.
Support their aspirations and don't be afraid to encourage creativity. It's important to praise their efforts, not just their results, so they feel confident and motivated to develop. Discuss their achievements and challenges with them, and help them set realistic goals and achieve them.
Don't forget the importance of time spent together. Help your child develop skills by participating in their hobbies, whether it's drawing together or playing a musical instrument. This will strengthen your relationship and create a positive atmosphere for creativity.
Remember that every child is unique, and their talents can manifest themselves in a variety of ways. Be patient and open to new opportunities, and your child will be able to reach their full potential.
How else can you help your child on the eve of an exam?
- Ask your child. Some will ask to run through their preparation checklists, others will ask to order their favorite pizza and give them a little personal space. And some will want to hug and watch an episode of their favorite TV series together.
- Don't teach your child how to prepare the day before an exam. The role of a parent during this period is that of a cheerleader, sometimes a devoted fan, but not a coach. Be there, observe from the sidelines, offer to take a short break for tea if you are sure that your child is overtired due to preparation.
- Don't demand a perfect result. Many schoolchildren are already scared and believe that their entire future life depends on their Unified State Exam score. And to this fear, if parents constantly insist on 100 points, another one is added: not living up to expectations.
- Try to calm yourself and remind yourself that the exam is certainly important, but the health of your child and yourself is more important. Children read their parents' state: it's difficult to concentrate and prepare for the exam psychologically and theoretically while significant adults are nervous nearby.
- Note that enduring the pressure of the Unified State Exam, diligently preparing for it for a year or two, and graduating from school are also important achievements that you see and acknowledge. And remind them that no matter how the exam goes, you will not treat your child worse or love them less.
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