Development

How to Recognize Your True Feelings

Original in Russian: blog.skillbox.by
How to Understand Your True Feelings / Skillbox Media

Contents:

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In this article, you will learn about:

  • Feelings are complex emotional states that help us understand and interpret the world around us, as well as our internal experiences. However, sometimes we can lose touch with them. This can happen for a variety of reasons, including stress, trauma, or even habitually ignoring our emotions. When we face difficult situations, it can be easier to suppress or ignore our feelings than to confront them. As a result of this distancing from our emotions, we can begin to feel isolated and lost, making it difficult to understand our true desires and needs.
  • How to identify your emotions and understand their meaning.
  • How to know if emotions are sincere?
  • Awareness of your own emotions is of great importance. Understanding what is happening inside us allows us to better navigate our reactions and actions. This knowledge facilitates more conscious interactions with others, helps us build healthier relationships and make decisions that align with our true desires and needs. When we are aware of our feelings, we can effectively cope with difficulties and conflicts, and also develop emotional intelligence, which in turn contributes to personal growth and a better quality of life.

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What are feelings

Emotions are important indicators that tell us what is going on inside us and how to respond to different situations. For example:

  • Fear indicates the presence of a threat;
  • Sadness is a feeling of loss of something important to us.
  • Joy arises when something significant and valuable happens.
  • Anger arises when we feel that our personal boundaries have been crossed.

There is a stage in the history of psychology when emotions were perceived as something less significant. For example, at the beginning of the twentieth century, behaviorism took a central place in psychology. Representatives of this school argued that the main focus of research should be directed exclusively at a person’s external behavior, ignoring his internal feelings and thoughts.

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Behaviorism in the educational process: what is this concept and how it changed approaches to learning.

After this, rationality came to the fore, and the emphasis The focus shifted to thought processes—at this time, the cognitive approach was actively developing. People began to attach importance to how we think, what attitudes we hold, as well as logic and cognitive biases. Emotions, bodily reactions, and intuitive self-understanding remained in the shadows for a long time.

Ultimately, thanks to the development of humanistic psychology and body-oriented therapy, feelings began to be taken seriously.

Today, it is clear that a lack of connection with one's own emotions deprives a person of inner stability. Even with intelligence, organization, and success, you can remain ignorant of the meaning of your life and the reasons for your inner anxieties.

Emotions and feelings are evolutionary signals that promote human survival, adaptation, decision-making, and meaningfulness.

Lisa Feldman Barrett, an expert in affective science, wrote a book titled "How Emotions Are Made: The Hidden Life of the Brain."

In contemporary psychology, special attention is paid to aspects such as emotional intelligence, psychoemotional stability, and self-awareness. Awareness of one's own emotions began to be perceived as the basis for maturity and resilience, and not as a manifestation of weakness or excessive sentimentality.

Reasons for Difficulty in Awareness of One's Own Emotions

There are times when you feel empty and depleted of energy, when you don't want to do anything, and your mind is in disarray and confusion. Outwardly, everything seems to be in order: work is moving forward, tasks are being accomplished, and there is an opportunity to communicate with others. However, inside you may feel emptiness, heaviness, or anxiety. And it is difficult to understand what exactly is happening with your state.

A person is likely experiencing certain emotions at the moment, but they may not be consciously recognized and may be obscured by fatigue or hidden behind habitual attitudes such as "I must be strong."

The concealment of your emotions may be due to various factors, such as psychological defenses, the nature of your upbringing, past trauma, and the influence of the environment - the conditions in which we exist every day.

Let's look at each of these factors in more detail.

Obstacles to understanding your own emotions: the role of psychological defenses

The psyche has an internal apparatus that restrains excessive or difficult to bear emotions at certain moments. This process is called psychological defenses.

These reactions are not the result of our conscious choice - they are activated instinctively to maintain internal balance. For example, a person may not experience grief after a loss because they are focused on everyday tasks and responsibilities. Or they may begin to express anger when they are actually feeling fear. It also happens that a person is not at all aware of what is happening - instead, he is faced with physical manifestations, such as a lump in the throat, insomnia, or indifference.

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Psychological defense is a mechanism that helps people cope with internal conflicts and emotional experiences. It plays a key role in maintaining mental balance, allowing one to avoid or reduce anxiety and stress. There are several types of defense mechanisms, each with its own characteristics and modes of operation.

One of the most common types is suppression, in which an individual tries to ignore or forget painful thoughts and feelings. Another important mechanism is projection, in which a person attributes their undesirable qualities or emotions to others. Rationalization also exists, allowing one to justify one's actions or feelings by providing a logical explanation.

Other types of psychological defense include regression, when an adult behaves like a child in stressful situations, and sublimation, which leads to the transformation of negative energy into constructive actions. These mechanisms help maintain emotional health, but when overused, they can lead to a distortion of reality and difficulties in interpersonal relationships.

The Impact of Early Childhood on Emotional Sensitivity

The ways we express our feelings and interact with emotions are established in early childhood. During this period, the child learns "appropriate" reactions to unusual emotional states. Thus, certain behavioral strategies are formed and emotional intelligence develops.

Phrases like "don't be angry," "don't cry," or "don't feel feelings - just think" are often heard from parents who seek to protect their child or raise them according to certain standards. As a result, the child begins to associate their emotions with something wrong, dangerous, or even shameful, which leads to the suppression of their feelings.

If, during childhood, there were no adults around who could name and accept emotions ("you're scared," "you're angry—that's completely natural"), then as an adult, a person may lack the words and skills to express their experiences. He is capable of experiencing tension, anxiety, or some kind of heaviness, but will not be able to label it as sadness or anger.

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Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage both your own emotions and the emotions of others. It includes several key components, such as self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, social skills, and motivation. Developing emotional intelligence can significantly improve interpersonal relationships and enhance effectiveness in various areas of life. There are several methods for developing this skill. First, it's worth focusing on self-reflection: analyze your emotions and behavior in various situations. This will help you better understand your reactions and motives. Second, it's helpful to practice active listening, which involves not only hearing words but also perceiving nonverbal cues from the other person. It's also worth cultivating empathy by trying to put yourself in others' shoes and understand their feelings. Furthermore, it's important to learn to manage your emotions. This may include relaxation or mindfulness techniques that help you stay calm in stressful situations. Regularly practicing these skills can lead to significant improvements in your emotional intelligence, which, in turn, would contribute to a better quality of life and relationships with others.

The Impact of Traumatic Experiences on Emotional Sensitivity

In situations where experiences become excessively painful, frightening, or cause deep shame, the psyche is able to turn off the perception of emotions for the sake of self-preservation. This is often observed with serious traumas, such as violence, the loss of a loved one, or forced changes of residence.

However, sometimes even those seemingly insignificant moments can have a significant impact on the psyche: rejection from parents or peers, experiencing first unrequited love, imposing a sense of guilt for mistakes made.

At such a moment, the “freezing” mechanism is activated: emotions seem to disappear and become inaccessible to consciousness, but continue to exist at a deep level in the body. As a result, a completely healthy and, at first glance, happy person may experience chronic fatigue, a vague feeling of heaviness in the chest, or frequent headaches.

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Psychological trauma: sources, manifestations, classification, and consequences

Psychological trauma can occur for a number of reasons, including experiences Violence, loss of loved ones, serious illness, or disaster. These events can have a profound impact on a person's mental state.

Trauma symptoms can vary. A person may experience anxiety, persistent fatigue, sleep disturbances, and difficulties in interpersonal relationships. Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and avoidance of situations that remind them of the traumatic event, are also often observed.

There are several categories of psychological trauma. One is acute trauma, which occurs as a result of a sudden and shocking event. Chronic trauma, on the other hand, develops over a long period of time due to repeated stressors. Learned trauma, which occurs as a result of exposure to systemic violence or oppression, also deserves attention.

The consequences of psychological trauma can be severe and multifaceted. They can make everyday life difficult, lead to the development of mental illnesses such as depression or anxiety disorders, and negatively impact physical health. It is important to understand that the recovery process can be long and requires support from specialists and loved ones.

The Impact of Mental Beliefs on Our Emotional Experiences

In today's digital world, there is a predominance of rationality over emotion. We exist in an environment where qualities such as quick thinking, analytical skills, and productivity are highly valued. Our thoughts are constantly occupied with tasks, plans, and notifications, and the body is viewed solely as a means of transporting our brains to work.

Over time, the constant flow of tasks distracts our attention from our inner state. We experience fatigue, but do not recognize it. We accumulate anger, but habitually suppress our emotions. Anxiety overwhelms us, but we tend to attribute it to the abundance of deadlines and planned activities.

There is no time to stop and acknowledge our feelings, because a moment of calm is perceived as an unattainable privilege. A new message, another task, another day when everything is done automatically - ultimately, life passes by.

As time goes by, it becomes increasingly difficult to return to our true state. The likelihood increases that accumulated but unexpressed emotions will reach such a magnitude that neither the physical body nor the mental state will be able to cope with this burden.

The Art of Awareness of Your Own Emotions

Sometimes there is a feeling that emotions are absent. However, this is not entirely true. Our psyche communicates with us, although not always directly. If it is difficult to immediately determine what exactly we feel, it is worth paying attention to how these feelings manifest themselves. What follows is not a universal algorithm of action, but rather a gentle guide that will help you become more mindful of your internal states.

First of all, you need to stop, even if only for a short time, to realize: "I am here, now. I am breathing. I exist." Without this intermediate pause, your emotions will not have time to overtake you, because they move slower than thoughts.

There are several ways or "languages" through which our inner world can convey information:

  • On a physical level, you may feel discomfort in the form of a lump in your throat, tension in the jaw, pressure in the chest, constant fatigue that does not go away even after sleep, as well as rapid heartbeat that occurs for no apparent reason.
  • On a behavioral level, you can feel the desire to go home and be alone, avoiding unnecessary meetings, just lie down and do nothing, or, on the contrary, a sudden urge to yell at your family, get into conflicts with them and inflate quarrels from minor reasons.
  • At a deep level of your consciousness, unusual dreams may appear in which you find yourself locked in a labyrinth, experiencing a feeling confusion or anxiety. You may also often find yourself daydreaming about how great it would be to move to another country where no one could find you.
  • Sometimes you may feel like everything around you is irritating. It seems like everyone evokes negative emotions, and it only takes one careless remark for everything inside to boil with anger.

In addition, our consciousness communicates with us through internal conversations.

Thoughts like “I’m insignificant,” “I’m not important to others,” “Everyone is ignoring me” often arise against a background of emotions that go unnoticed: loneliness, pain, shame, and fear.

When you begin to listen to your inner feelings, emotions begin to manifest themselves with greater clarity. It's like tuning a radio to the right frequency and beginning to pick up signals from your inner world.

The Art of Understanding Your Emotions

Sometimes it's difficult to know how to respond when feelings arise—whether through physical sensations, dreams, behavior, or inner thoughts. Emotions can feel fuzzy, confusing, and even frightening. The urge arises to either quickly fix them or hide from them.

To avoid confusion and find a solution, you can use the following four-step algorithm.

Choose the right word. Even if your first instinct is to say, "I don't know," that's already an answer. Sometimes it's helpful to start with basic emotions: anger, sadness, fear, or happiness. Don't strive for perfection—focus on what feels closest to you. If you're struggling for words, consult your emotion map and try to identify all the available options.

Once you've identified your feeling, don't rush to the next step. Try to linger with it for a bit and ask yourself a series of clarifying questions. Sometimes the first sensation is just a superficial shell, which hides deeper feelings.

  • When you feel angry, perhaps the reason is that you are in pain?
  • If you are overcome with anxiety, perhaps something important is missing in your life?
  • What exactly do you desire at this moment?
  • What causes you fear or pain?
  • What thoughts or images come to your mind when you experience this feeling?

Don’t rush to suppress your emotions, don’t try to “fix” what you feel. Stop for a moment and accept your experiences: yes, I am in pain, yes, I am angry. Yes, I am scared. Acknowledging these feelings is already a significant step forward. You haven't turned away from yourself; you're alone with what's going on inside you.

Sometimes, all it takes to feel relief is a brief moment of silence, focusing on your breathing, and relaxing your muscles. Your body will tell you what it needs: it might curl up, tap its pillow, or perhaps burst into tears.

Remember, tears aren't a sign of weakness.

Tears are a natural way to experience emotions. They don't indicate weakness; rather, they're a sign that you've finally allowed your feelings to come out. Sometimes after such a release, you feel a sense of relief, as if something inside you begins to thaw.

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Tears are a physiological reaction that usually occurs in response to strong emotions or irritation. They can appear as a result of various feelings, such as sadness, joy, anger, or even relief. Crying serves several important functions: firstly, it helps us express inner feelings that are sometimes difficult to put into words. Secondly, tears can serve as a way to relieve emotional stress, which contributes to a sense of well-being. It is also believed that tears cleanse the eyes of irritants and help maintain their health. Thus, crying is a natural and important process that plays a significant role in our lives, allowing us to cope with emotional stress and maintain physical well-being.

To understand the truth of your emotions, ask yourself: what exactly is causing these feelings? Is it a response to objective reality or a reflection of my expectations and desires? Intuition is generally reliable, but be sure to compare it with real facts—the actions of others or past events.

When emotions are stable and consistent with reality, they should be trusted. However, if they seem intense but have no basis in fact, caution is advised.

Honest self-talk or wise advice from a loved one can help distinguish reality from delusion. For example, a fleeting attraction may at first glance seem like destiny. However, along with emotions and statements, it's worth paying attention to your partner's actions and behavior. If he humiliates you, constantly violates the agreements reached and resorts to aggression, you should not trust only your feelings.

The Importance of Awareness and Understanding of Your Own Emotions

Let's analyze several common scenarios in which understanding your own emotions significantly transforms circumstances.

  • Analyzing your emotions allows you to distinguish between anger and suffering: "I constantly feel irritated towards my husband and get angry at little things. But when I stopped and thought about my true feelings, I realized that I just feel extremely lonely next to him. I'm angry because I'm in pain." Such an internal dialogue will help you avoid conflicts and open up to your husband, without expressing complaints, but sharing your vulnerability.
  • Understanding your emotions allows you to distinguish between fatigue and sadness: "At first, it seemed to me that the reason for my condition lay in fatigue from work. However, when I was alone with myself, I realized that I hadn't felt joy for a long time. This is not just fatigue - it is sadness caused by the fact that my life does not correspond to my desires." Thus, a person begins to realize that simple rest will not solve the problem, and changes are needed not only in the schedule, but also in life itself.
  • Analyzing your emotions helps you distinguish awkwardness from shame and anxiety. For example, I mentioned that I feel uncomfortable attending parties because of my appearance. However, I later realized that what really scares me is the possibility of revealing my true self. I'm afraid of not being accepted. It's not just awkwardness, but a deep feeling of anxiety and shame. Once a person understands this, they stop criticizing themselves and begin to seek out those with whom they feel comfortable expressing their true self.

Every move toward your feelings is an advancement toward your true self.

To that living, sincere, and sensing self. Not to an ideal image, but to reality. To the one you can trust. After all, by being aware of what is happening to you, you begin to breathe easier, make clearer decisions, and live with greater warmth.