Perfectionism - what is it and why does it sometimes interfere?

Contents:

• What is perfectionism
• How a perfectionist differs from a goal-oriented person
• The main signs of perfectionism
• The causes of perfectionism
• How to control perfectionistic behavior

What is perfectionism

Perfectionism is the desire to be perfect in everything. It can extend to all areas of life - from work to personal relationships.
Very often, perfectionism as a character trait is spoken about positively. Indeed, there is nothing wrong with striving for high standards. For example, an athlete who trains hard before an important championship will likely be praised for his perseverance and willpower.

How does a perfectionist differ from a goal-oriented person?

If a goal-oriented person is asked to redo a quarterly report, he will be upset, but will not stop considering himself a good worker. But a perfectionist may be convinced that a good result achieved on the second or third try does not count.
People with perfectionistic traits are usually not completely satisfied with their work and believe that they could have done it better. They are constantly racing against themselves, working themselves to the point of exhaustion and can't allow themselves to do anything well, but perfect.
With this type of thinking, a person constantly experiences stress due to the fear of making a mistake. Perfectionists are often disappointed in themselves and their abilities because they cannot meet their own standards.
Thus, a perfectionist differs from a goal-oriented person primarily by the desire to control everything and a categorical rejection of mistakes.

The Main Signs of Perfectionism

• All-or-nothing thinking.Perfectionists, like other people, set high goals for themselves and work diligently towards them. A goal-oriented person will be satisfied with the result of their work, even if it is not quite perfect or if they had to work hard to achieve the goal. A perfectionist will not accept anything but perfection. A result that can be described as "almost perfect," such as an A-, is perceived as a failure.
• Expressed self-criticism.A perfectionist is more critical of themselves and others. They often notice even minor mistakes and are not embarrassed to point them out. Perfectionists can be very harsh with themselves and others. For example, a perfectionist coach may criticize a student for a silver medal instead of a gold one.
• Fear of failure.Perfectionists tend to be afraid that they will not get the desired result as quickly as possible. Because of this, they have a hard time focusing on learning or working, because only the end result matters. Perfectionists may procrastinate, putting off an important task out of fear of failure, and even abandon a new project if they don't think they're good enough for it.
• Desire for control.Perfectionists want to control everything, and they have a hard time dividing tasks into "important" and "unimportant." Often, because of this, they fail to accomplish everything they planned for the day, which makes them suffer even more. In addition, perfectionists spend a lot of time measuring and evaluating results, rather than focusing on the process of achieving the goal.
• Unrealistic standards. Another sign of perfectionism is setting obviously unattainable goals. Because of this, a person does not feel joy from their victories and is more prone to burnout than their colleagues.
• Problems with delegation and trust. Often, perfectionists do not want to ask for help because they think that no one can do their tasks better than they can.

Causes of perfectionism

Many factors can contribute to the development of perfectionism. Here are some of them.

• Family influence.Parents' behavior and the way they communicate with their children shapes their values, work ethic, thinking, and more. Sometimes parents set the bar too high, trying to raise their child to be successful and strong. Research has shown that perfectionist parents influence the way their children view success and force them to adopt their behavioral model.
• A state of uncertainty.Sometimes the pursuit of perfectionism is a defense mechanism that is activated in response to a stressful situation. This could be, for example, a painful breakup, job loss, or an unstable world situation. Perfectionism is a way for people to take control of their lives and bring them into order. Environment and Social Standards Perfectionistic behavior can be instilled not only by family, but also by the external environment. We often compare ourselves to our friends, classmates, and colleagues. This is how socially prescribed perfectionism grows, leading us to seek approval from others. Standards broadcast by social media and popular culture also influence the development of perfectionism. People involuntarily compare themselves to a more "beautiful and successful" image and experience stress. As a result, a pursuit of an unattainable ideal may begin.
• Mental illness. Studies have found perfectionistic traits in people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders, and sometimes depression. Here, perfectionism is an attempt to control stress and avoid any negative moments that can cause it.

How to Control Perfectionistic Behavior

If you notice manifestations of perfectionism in yourself and understand that they interfere with your life, you can try one of these techniques.

Set realistic goals

One ​​of the main problems of perfectionists is an obviously unattainable result, which they unsuccessfully strive for. To avoid this trap, set SMART goals by setting goals that meet a few simple criteria.

• Specific. Your goal shouldn't be interpreted in two ways: "I want to run three times a week to train for a half marathon."
• Measurable. You can track your progress: "I will use an app to run a certain distance and track my progress."
• Achievable. The goal should be realistic: "I've already run 10 km, but since I haven't done it for a long time, I'll start with 2-3 km a day."
• Relevant. The goal should be related to your hobbies, dreams, and ambitions: "I love running, it helps me feel good physically and emotionally."
• Ultimate. There should be an end date: "The half marathon is six months away, and I need to be ready by then."

By setting goals this way, you can learn to track your progress and focus on the process, not just the perfect result.

Set deadlines

Sometimes, when there is no clear deadline for completing a task, a perfectionist spends too much time trying to complete it perfectly. Try setting a timer or marking a deadline in your diary. This will help you stay more focused, reduce procrastination, and accept the results as they are.

Use mindfulness practices

This is one of the tools of cognitive behavioral therapy. Perfectionists often experience anxiety or sadness, have trouble focusing on a task, or replay worrying scenarios in their heads. Mindfulness practices help you focus on the present moment without judging it or condemning yourself. They typically involve paying increased attention to sensory stimuli, such as tracking sensations in the body or breathing exercises. You can devote a few minutes a day to the practice while simply going about your daily activities. Put away your gadgets and focus on your body—how your clothes fit, how the food you're trying tastes, what the room you're in looks like. Being present in the here and now will help you focus and switch off from anxious thoughts. You can also meditate and do breathing exercises on your own or with the help of special audios. There are many recordings on the Internet, you can choose any of them to your taste.

Contact a psychologist

Sometimes it is impossible to find the cause of behavior without a psychologist. In therapy, it is easier to track progress and select techniques and exercises that will help get rid of destructive patterns of behavior.
Furthermore, regular sessions will bring pleasant order to your schedule and help you appreciate the path you have taken, since psychotherapy, as a rule, does not have a clear deadline and completely predictable results.