Effective interaction between teachers and parents of students

Contents:

• The influence of unconscious attitudes and reactions on the communication process
• Defining the boundaries of teacher responsibilities
• Additional methods for enhancing interaction with schoolchildren's parents

Interaction between teachers and parents can sometimes be quite difficult. When difficulties arise during training that require collective discussion, instead of having a productive conversation, the parties most often begin to look for someone to blame and shift responsibility to each other. This only exacerbates existing disagreements without solving the underlying problem.

Yaroslava Ryndina, a practicing psychologist and teacher, as well as the founder of the Yarko Center for Psychology and Pedagogy and the author of books on psychology, spoke at the online conference "Augustovka Uchi.ru - 2025." During her presentation, which can be found on the event's website, she highlighted the reasons why communication difficulties arise. We will briefly outline her advice on how to improve interactions with parents and achieve mutual understanding even in the most difficult circumstances.

The Influence of Unconscious Attitudes and Reactions on the Communication Process

According to the concept of transactional analysis, each person participating in communication, regardless of their aspirations and intentions, brings their own unconscious life scenario to the process. This term, coined by psychologist Eric Berne, describes attitudes formed in childhood that influence an individual's life goals, their attitudes toward others and the world at large, and their behavior. It often happens that people who need to jointly solve a specific problem or achieve a certain goal instead begin to unconsciously act out their own scenarios.

To break free from the usual boundaries of interaction and communicate more effectively, Yaroslava Ryndina emphasizes the importance of awareness of one's ego state and the ability to manage it. Within the framework of transactional analysis, this concept refers to the roles an individual assumes in various circumstances. Each ego state is associated with specific patterns of thinking, emotional reactions, and responses. Transactional analysis distinguishes three main categories of ego states:

• In the Child state, an adult begins to exhibit childlike traits: they may strive to please others, behave capriciously, or expect others to take care of them and solve their problems. At the same time, this state opens up the possibility of sincerity, spontaneity, and curiosity, allowing for the realization of creative potential.
• The Parent state can manifest itself through caring for others or in the form of criticism. An individual in this state often tries to control others by establishing their own rules and norms, teaching, or mentoring. At the same time, they can act as a protector, providing help and support.
• The Adult state is determined by the ability to soberly assess a situation, apply logical thinking, and also the desire to develop and adhere to a pre-determined plan of action.

Each of the ego states can be useful in various life circumstances. However, when a teacher discusses specific pedagogical issues with the parents of their students, it is crucial that all participants be in an Adult mode. Unfortunately, in practice, this is not always the case. For example, a parent may approach the teacher with the stance of a critical Parent, believing they know how to properly teach and raise children. In such a situation, the teacher often instinctively switches to a Child mode, becoming defensive and justifying themselves. As a result, such a conversation, of course, cannot be meaningful or productive.

Defining the boundaries of a teacher's responsibilities

In order for communication to be effective, it is necessary to monitor your ego state and Analyze the situation from an Adult perspective: "What is the main goal of our conversation? Does what we're discussing contribute to achieving this goal, or does it distract from it?" Having mastered this approach, you can direct communication so that your interlocutor also assumes the Adult role.

What can facilitate this? Yaroslava Ryndina argues that the key element in building communication with parents is assigning responsibility.

According to the psychologist, confusion often arises around issues of responsibility, which is exacerbated when the conversation becomes emotional. As a result, when communicating with students' parents, you may suddenly start making excuses for things for which you are not at all responsible, for example, for the fact that the student did not do homework.

Returning to the Adult ego state means recognizing your limits of responsibility and refusing to take on tasks that go beyond them.

Yaroslava gave an illustration of the delineation of responsibilities between the teacher, student, and parents.

The teacher is responsible for:

• coordinating the educational process;
• presenting information and adjusting educational approaches in accordance with the capabilities of the students in the group;
• creating and maintaining a safe and respectful environment in the educational institution;
• compliance with professional ethics;
• discussing feedback with parents (but without emphasizing how they will react to it);
• Defining and maintaining boundaries communication.

The student is responsible for:

• individual motivation and active participation in the educational process, taking into account, of course, their level of maturity;
• compliance with the norms and regulations of the educational institution;
• An important aspect of successful learning is active involvement in the process. This can be manifested, for example, in asking the teacher questions in case of ambiguities or in completing accessible tasks.

Parents are responsible for:

• supporting the child's emotional state;
• developing basic self-regulation skills in the child;
• creating a sleep and nutrition routine for the child;
• maintaining contact with the teacher;
• respect for the educational system that they have chosen for their child.

Read also:

Constructivism in the educational process: reasons why this wonderful approach has not become widespread.

In order to establish effective interaction with parents within the given boundaries, Yaroslava offers teachers the following recommendations:

• It's important to clearly define your role and the format of communication. Don't assume that parents will figure out how to properly manage their relationship with the school on their own. It's important to establish boundaries, explaining to parents what aspects you're responsible for, what you influence, and what questions they can approach you with. Communication should be calm and confident, based on facts and common sense.
• A "We're in this together" approach should be adopted. Parents often arrive at a meeting with a teacher tired and irritated after a long day at work, ready to vent their emotions on someone. In such a situation, it's crucial not to become defensive or respond with aggression, but to unite with your interlocutor in a common voice: "I see that you're tired. I understand; I worked all day myself, and now we're both here, exhausted. I can imagine you don't want to delve into this situation, but we need to discuss together how to help Petya comply with the school rules." It's important to create a sense of partnership with your interlocutor, letting them know that your goal isn't to blame them or their child, but to find a common solution to the problem.
• It's important to clearly define the boundaries of your area of ​​responsibility. When your interlocutor tries to shift tasks onto you that aren't your responsibilities, it's important to be able to stop them. For example, if one parent says, "You need to make Petya study," you can respond as follows: "I understand your concern. I can create and maintain a motivating atmosphere in the classroom, but influencing Petya's behavior at home isn't within my competence." You, as a parent, can take such steps."

Read also:

The influence of support from teachers, family, and peers on academic achievement is an important aspect of the educational process. Support from teachers can take many forms, from feedback on completed assignments to individual mentoring. This support not only improves academic performance but also builds students' self-confidence. Family support also plays a key role. When parents are actively involved in the educational process, create a welcoming learning environment, and show interest in their children's progress, this fosters a deeper understanding of the material and motivation to learn. Children who feel supported by their families tend to perform better and are more persistent in their pursuit of knowledge. Peer support is equally important. Friends and classmates can inspire each other by sharing ideas and helping each other through difficult moments. Students with strong friendships are more likely to participate in group projects and discussions, which promotes better learning and the development of critical thinking.

Thus, the interaction of all these factors creates a solid foundation for successful learning, forming not only academic skills, but also the personal qualities necessary for achieving high results.

Additional Methods for Strengthening Interaction with Schoolchildren's Parents

In addition to distributing responsibilities, Yaroslava Ryndina advises teachers to pay attention to other important aspects of interaction with parents.

The psychologist again emphasizes that many parents are not ready to initiate interaction with the school on their own. Therefore, it is important to explain to them how this communication is organized, how information is exchanged, as well as the function of the teacher in the educational process and the function of the parents themselves.

It is important not only to earn the trust of parents as a teacher, but also to maintain the image of a confident specialist. For example, you could approach the discussion with the following approach: "As a specialist in my field, I understand the underlying challenges your child is facing. To overcome them, I propose the following action plan. If you follow these steps, we will be able to evaluate progress in a month. However, if you leave things unchanged, there is a risk that the situation will worsen." This leaves parents free to decide whether to follow the teacher's recommendations, and the outcome will depend on their choice.

Regular feedback and clarification of your principles, for example, through meetings and newsletters, help strengthen your image as a professional. Openness and timely provision of information can significantly reduce the risk of various problems. Yaroslava notes that a lack of necessary information leads to parents becoming anxious and fantasizing about the worst-case scenarios.

Read also:

There are different categories of parents depending on their degree of involvement in the educational process of their children.

To strengthen trust, it's helpful to share examples of successful collaboration. Without mentioning specific names, you can share stories of how other families have faced similar challenges and how working together with parents helped resolve them. It's also important to emphasize progress in communicating with a specific person, especially if the interaction was initially difficult: "Notice how we couldn't even exchange a few words before, but now we're having a constructive dialogue." This approach will let the other person know you recognize their efforts and contribution to shared understanding. Emphasizing this aspect will only enhance the positive atmosphere in the conversation.

When communicating, people often unconsciously label each other, such as "defender," "aggressor," "arbitrator," or "defendant," and make decisions based on these perceptions rather than relying on reality. This phenomenon does not arise from malicious intent, but rather is a consequence of previous experience or internal anxiety and guilt.

To effectively resolve this situation, it is useful to develop The ability to recognize others' projections and shift their focus. For example, you could say, "I see that you're trying to pinpoint the culprit, but that won't solve the problem. Let's focus on identifying the causes and discussing the most constructive approach." This approach again emphasizes the collaborative principle: "We're working together to overcome this problem," which helps the other person move from confrontation to collaboration. It's also important to remember to assign responsibility: "I'm willing to do this. What can you offer?" You might think that your parents' dissatisfaction indicates your professional incompetence. However, this isn't entirely true. The reasons for their resistance can vary: they may be worried about their child, feel guilty, be tired, or simply don't fully understand the circumstances. It's important not to take others' negative emotions too personally or to try to please them in hopes of praise—this is typical of the Child state. Instead, as a specialist, you should adhere to the position of an Adult—a professional and expert who does their best and inspires others to follow suit.

Yaroslava Ryndina advises viewing difficulties as opportunities for personal and professional development. In situations of conflict and confrontation, she suggests not perceiving them as a personal threat, but as a chance to establish a productive dialogue. In addition, do not hesitate to seek help from colleagues or psychologists.

Read also:

• What to do in a situation when students or their parents become a source of bullying for teachers?
• Information has emerged about the importance of high grades for parents for their children in educational institutions.
• Schoolchildren often adopt the study habits of their parents, which can have a significant impact on their educational process. By observing the behavior of adults, children form their own approaches to learning. For example, if parents actively read books or engage in self-education, this can motivate children to develop similar habits.

  Furthermore, the atmosphere created in the family plays a key role in the development of study skills. Parents who value education and support their children in their studies contribute to the fact that schoolchildren become more organized and diligent. Conversely, if there is a careless attitude towards studies in the home, this can affect the children's attitude towards the educational process.

  It is also important to consider that parents' teaching style can influence children's preferences. For example, if a mother or father prefers visual learning methods, such as graphs and charts, children may begin to use similar approaches. Thus, parents' habits and attitudes are not only transmitted but also adapted, creating a unique educational experience for each student.

• About 16% of parents express dissatisfaction with the professional skills of teachers.