How a teacher can establish constructive dialogue with parents

Contents:

• How unconscious attitudes and reactions affect communication
• How a teacher can delineate areas of responsibility
• What else will help improve communication with students' parents

Interaction between teachers and parents can be a complex task. When problems arise in the learning process that require discussion, often, instead of constructive dialogue, the parties begin to look for someone to blame and shift responsibility to each other. This not only worsens relationships but also hinders the resolution of existing problems. It's important to establish open and productive communication to jointly find solutions and support the educational process. Effective collaboration between teachers and parents fosters a positive atmosphere, which in turn helps children achieve better academic results. Yaroslava Ryndina, a practicing psychologist and educator, founder of the Yarko Center for Psychology and Pedagogy, and author of books on psychology and the podcast "Zhis," shared insights about the psychological mechanisms that can cause communication difficulties at the "Augustovka Uchi.ru - 2025" online conference. In this context, she offered valuable recommendations for improving communication with parents to achieve mutual understanding even in the most difficult situations. Effective interaction methods can help overcome communication barriers and build trusting relationships, which is especially important for the successful upbringing and development of children.

How Unconscious Attitudes and Reactions Affect Communication

According to transactional analysis theory, each participant in communication, regardless of their intentions, brings their unconscious life script to the conversation. This term, coined by psychologist Eric Berne, describes attitudes formed in childhood that influence a person's goals, relationships, and behavior. Often, when people need to jointly solve a specific problem or achieve a certain goal, they instead unconsciously reproduce their scripts. This can hinder effective interaction and complicate the decision-making process. Understanding your scripts and recognizing their impact on communication can facilitate more productive interactions and achieve desired results. According to Yaroslava Ryndina, for more effective communication and breaking free from habitual scripts, it is necessary to develop awareness of your ego state and learn to manage it. In transactional analysis, these states represent the various positions a person can take in various situations. Each ego state corresponds to its own unique thought patterns, emotional reactions, and behavioral strategies. Transactional analysis distinguishes three main states: parental, adult, and child. Understanding these states improves interactions with others and increases personal effectiveness. In the Child state, a person reproduces behavior typical of children: for example, seeking to please or being capricious, expecting others to protect them and solve their problems. At the same time, the Child state allows for sincerity, spontaneity, and curiosity, as well as creative self-expression.

In various life situations, it is important to consider the aspects of each of the ego states. However, when a teacher needs to discuss pedagogical issues with parents, it is critical that all participants in the communication be in the Adult state. In practice, a different situation is often observed: the interlocutor may address the teacher from the position of a critical Parent, who believes he knows how to properly teach and raise children. In response, the teacher may automatically switch to the Child state, becoming defensive and making excuses. This approach leads to the conversation becoming ineffective and not producing the desired results. For communication to be productive, it is necessary to strive for dialogue at the Adult level, where both parties can openly and constructively exchange opinions and find joint solutions.

How a teacher can delineate areas of responsibility

For productive communication, it is necessary to control your ego state and assess the situation from the perspective of an Adult. It is important to ask yourself: "What is the goal of our dialogue?" You need to understand whether the current conversation contributes to achieving this goal or, conversely, distracts from it. Having mastered these skills, you will be able to structure communication in such a way that your interlocutor also perceives themselves as an Adult. This will significantly increase the effectiveness of interaction and achieve a deeper understanding between the participants in the dialogue.

According to Yaroslava Ryndina, the foundation of effective communication with parents is a clear division of responsibility. This establishes mutual understanding and increases trust in the relationship. This division of responsibility helps each family member understand their roles and responsibilities, which promotes more harmonious interactions and the resolution of emerging conflicts. Yaroslava emphasizes the importance of open dialogue, where everyone can express their expectations and concerns, which ultimately leads to more productive communication.

Psychologists note that confusion often arises around responsibility, especially in emotional conversations. When communicating with parents of students, a situation may arise where you begin to justify things for which you are not actually responsible. For example, you may feel the need to explain why a student did not complete homework, although it is not your fault. This phenomenon emphasizes the importance of clearly understanding the boundaries of your responsibility in the educational process, which helps avoid unnecessary stress and misunderstandings.

Returning to the Adult ego state requires a clear understanding of your area of ​​responsibility. This means being aware of your responsibilities and not taking on tasks that exceed them. This approach promotes effective time and resource management and helps avoid unnecessary stress and burnout. Establishing clear boundaries in your personal and professional lives is key to maintaining harmony and achieving success.

Yaroslava gave an example of a clear division of responsibility between the teacher, student, and parent. In this context, the teacher is responsible for organizing the educational process and imparting knowledge, the student is responsible for actively participating in the learning process and completing homework, and the parent is responsible for supporting and creating a favorable learning environment. This division of roles promotes more effective interaction between all participants in the educational process and increases its effectiveness.

The teacher answers students' questions, providing clarification on the material they are studying. Their job is to help each student understand complex topics and develop critical thinking. It is important for the teacher to create a supportive atmosphere in which students can freely ask questions and exchange ideas. This approach promotes deeper understanding of the material and the development of the skills necessary for successful learning. The teacher can also use various methods and techniques to make the learning process more engaging and effective.

• for organizing the educational process;
• delivering the material, adapting teaching methods to the capabilities of the class;
• maintaining a safe and respectful atmosphere in the classroom;
• upholding professional ethics;
• providing feedback to parents (but not for how it will be received);
• establishing and maintaining boundaries of interaction.

The student gives an answer:

• for personal motivation and involvement in the learning process (of course, at their level of maturity);
• compliance with school rules;
• active participation in the learning process (for example, asking the teacher if something is not clear, doing what they can).

Parents play a key role in the formation and upbringing of children. Their responses and reactions to various situations can significantly influence a child's personal development. The importance of open and honest communication between parents and children cannot be overstated. Parents should be willing to share their experiences, support, and guide their children, helping them make informed decisions. It's also important to consider their children's opinions to create a trusting atmosphere in the family. Thus, parents' responses not only inform, but also shape life values ​​and attitudes in children.

• for emotional support of the child;
• developing basic self-regulation skills in the child;
• organizing a sleep and nutrition regimen for the child;
• maintaining contact with the teacher;
• respect for the educational system they have chosen for their child.

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Constructivism in Education: Reasons for the Lack of Prevalence of This Effective Pedagogical Approach

Constructivism is a pedagogical approach that emphasizes students' active participation in the learning process, creating conditions for independent knowledge construction. Despite its effectiveness and scientific validity, constructivism has not become widespread in educational practice.

One of the reasons for this is the insufficient training of teachers, who do not always realize the importance and benefits of constructivist methods. Many teachers continue to use traditional approaches focused on memorizing information, which limits the development of critical thinking and creativity in students.

Furthermore, existing educational systems often do not support the implementation of constructivism. Standards and curricula may not take into account the individual needs and interests of students, which hinders the implementation of active teaching methods.

Social and cultural factors also play a significant role. In some regions, outdated ideas about the learning process persist, hindering the implementation of innovative approaches.

Nevertheless, constructivism remains a promising direction in education, promoting a deeper understanding of the material and the development of skills necessary for successful life in the modern world. It is important to continue researching and implementing constructivist ideas to make learning more effective and relevant for new generations.

To establish effective communication with parents within established boundaries, Yaroslava advises teachers to follow several key principles. It is important to set clear boundaries in communication to avoid misunderstandings. Teachers need to be open and accessible to parents, while clearly articulating their expectations and rules. Regular feedback will help maintain a trusting relationship and allow parents to be involved in the educational process. It's also worth emphasizing a constructive approach to discussing problems, which helps create a positive climate for collaboration.

• Explain your role and the format of interaction. Don't expect parents to figure out the correct way to deal with the school on their own. It's important to set the framework for interaction by telling parents what you're responsible for, what you can influence (and what you can't), and what questions they can ask you. Speak calmly and confidently, relying on facts and common sense.
• Use the "We're together against the problem" principle. Parents often come to a meeting with the teacher tired and irritated after work, ready to snap at anyone at any time. In such a situation, it's important not to become defensive or attack back, but to take a stand with the other person: "I see you're tired. I understand perfectly well; I worked all day too, and now we're sitting here tired. I can imagine how much you don't want to deal with this, but it's important for us to think together about how to help Petya follow the school rules." You need to make the other person feel like your partner, to understand that you're not blaming them or their child, but are seeking a joint solution to a common problem.
• Emphasize the boundaries of your sphere of influence. If the other person tries to shift tasks onto you that aren't your responsibility, it's important to stop. For example, a parent might say, "You have to make Petya study." You can respond to this with, "I understand that you're worried. I can create conditions for learning motivation in the classroom and maintain it, but I can't influence Petya's behavior at home. And you, as a parent, can do this and that for this."

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Support from teachers, family, and peers plays a key role in students' academic success. By creating a supportive learning atmosphere, teachers motivate children to engage more deeply with the material and actively participate in the learning process. Family support, in turn, ensures emotional stability and confidence, which contributes to a better understanding of knowledge. Peers, by supporting each other in their studies, create a positive social dynamic, which also has a positive impact on academic performance. The importance of interaction between these three groups is undeniable, as they create a comprehensive environment conducive to the development of academic skills and improved academic performance.

What else can help improve communication with students' parents?

Yaroslava Ryndina emphasizes the importance of not only dividing responsibilities between teachers and parents but also other key aspects of interaction. Effective communication with parents helps create a trusting atmosphere and increases engagement in the educational process. Teachers should focus on active listening, providing feedback, and regularly informing parents about their children's achievements and challenges. This will help strengthen collaboration and create a common strategy for successful learning.

The psychologist emphasizes that many parents are not ready to actively participate in communication with the school. Therefore, it is important to explain the principles of interaction, including the exchange of information. It is necessary to clarify the role of teachers in the educational process and the role of parents. This will help establish more effective collaboration between the family and the educational institution, which, in turn, will have a positive impact on the child's learning and development.

To establish a trusting relationship with parents, it is important to demonstrate confidence in your professional competence. For example, you can use the following approach: "As a specialist, I understand the difficulties your child is experiencing. To overcome them, I recommend the following action plan. If you follow these recommendations, we will be able to evaluate progress in a month. If you leave things as they are, there is a possibility that the situation will worsen." This approach allows parents to make decisions independently, and the outcome will depend on their choice.

Regular feedback and explanations of your work principles will significantly strengthen your professional image. Use meetings and newsletters to increase transparency and timely information. This will not only improve communication but also help avoid many problems. When parents don't receive the necessary information, they can begin to overreact, creating negative scenarios. Yaroslava emphasizes the importance of open communication to reduce anxiety and build trust.

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Parents were classified by their levels of involvement in their children's educational process. This typology helps understand how differences in parental involvement affect student success at school. Involvement can range from active participation in school life to minimal contact with the educational process. Understanding these types of engagement will enable schools and educators to develop more effective strategies for interacting with parents, which in turn can contribute to improved academic achievement and overall well-being for children.

To build trust, it is helpful to share examples of successful collaboration. You can talk about how other families have faced similar challenges and how working together with parents helped them find solutions, without mentioning specific names. It is also important to highlight progress in communication with a specific interlocutor, especially if the interaction was initially difficult. For example, you could note: "Previously, we could hardly exchange even a few words, but now we are constructively discussing important issues." This will allow the interlocutor to understand that you notice their efforts and contribution to achieving mutual understanding. Emphasizing such progress will only strengthen the positive dynamics of communication and create the conditions for further collaboration.

In dialogue, interlocutors often unconsciously assign various roles to each other, such as "savior," "aggressor," "judge," or "guilty." As a result, they act based on these projections rather than on the actual situation. This phenomenon is not the result of malicious intent, but rather stems from previous experiences, as well as feelings of anxiety or guilt. Understanding these dynamics can help improve communication and reduce tension, which in turn leads to more constructive relationships.

For effective When resolving conflicts, it's helpful to develop skills in understanding others' projections and shifting focus. It's important to recognize that assigning blame won't solve the problem. Instead, focus on identifying the causes and finding optimal solutions. Applying the principle of "We are together against the problem" helps shift the conversation from confrontation to collaboration. Sharing responsibility is equally important: "I'm willing to do this. What can you offer?" This approach will help create a more productive dialogue and focus on problem-solving. Parental dissatisfaction may be perceived as evidence of your professional incompetence, but this isn't always the case. Parents may resist interaction for a number of reasons: they may be worried about their child's well-being, feel guilty, tired, or simply don't fully understand the situation. It's important not to take their negative emotions personally or seek approval, which reflects the Child's perspective. Instead, as a teacher, you should focus on the ego state of the Adult—the professional and expert. This means you must do your best in your role and inspire parents to do the same, thereby creating more constructive interactions.

Yaroslava Ryndina emphasizes the importance of perceiving difficulties as opportunities for personal growth. She suggests viewing resistance and conflict not as a threat, but as an opportunity to establish constructive communication. She also recommends not to hesitate to seek support from colleagues or psychologists, which can help in overcoming difficult situations and improving emotional state.

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